Fifty shades of Red
by bibitta007
Summary: "It was raw and ugly and desperate…somehow perverse, too."
1. Chapter 1

**A tumblr post and a beautiful song inspired me. Seriously, I don't even know what'll happen next but little voice haunted me until I wrote the first chapter out from me…**

**Hope, you'll enjoy and please don't hesitate to write down what you think about this. :)**

**Blacklist is not mine and I don't own anything.**

**Mistake?**

It was raw and ugly and desperate…somehow perverse too. The way they held each other tight, fearing that one of them would just slip away from the embrace and disappear forever.

It wasn't the time for feelings, it wasn't the place for tenderness either. But it was for the desire driven rough sex in a public women's bathroom.

The walls behind her and in front of her were covered with large mirrors which usually gave huge helps for ladies to correct their make-up or just check their faces.

But not now.

Now these mirrors were only materials to a wonderful erotic dance which included two bodies from toes across hips to the heads.

For a first time she dared to open her eyes and looked their reflections, especially his. There was something indescribable how his back muscles moved beneath the scarred skin…how his neat and masculine ass tightened and relaxed with each thrust…his whole body was an art piece. Every little freckle, every little imperfection made him real. Just flesh and blood. With every bit of him was hunky.

And with every bit of her cried out for him. Her jelly legs were wrapped around his waist as she sat on the sink, her left hand held the back of his head while the other wandered up and down on his back until she wanted more. More from him.

"Harder." she moaned breathlessly then she grabbed his ass and moved it further to her flesh.

He rested his right hand on the mirror next to her head and the other's fingers were buried deep into her hips.

She kissed, licked and bit every part of him from neck to ear as her eyes still stared their reflection. His hitched breaths and husky moans turned her on even more. She couldn't think about anything but him. She drowned into the sensation of his hot skin against her and within her.

She couldn't stop the moans which escaped from her throat but if she wanted to be honest with herself she didn't really want to; she wanted to tell everyone that now he belonged to her as she belonged to him.

Like delicious nectar she instilled the sweet but bit obscene words to his ear which made him lose control completely so now he thrust into her harder and deeper. Just as she wanted. He captured her lips with his and kissed her with equal desire.

Truth to be told she would never assumed that if he gave up the calm and collected behavior he became such a passionate lover. She always imagined him as the calm one who never lost the temper.

His tongue was demanding just like the whole man itself. Now this demanding tongue teased her nipple mercilessly and he used his teeth for a gentle bite which pushed her over the edge for the second time.

She felt him crawling closer and closer to his edge but she didn't mind if her third orgasm wouldn't hit her…hell, there hadn't been any other man who could make her come twice in a quickie! She knew he wanted to be a gentleman but right now she didn't need that gentleman…she needed the man who was overwhelmed by sex so she encouraged him.

"Please, come for me…I want to see it…I need to feel it" she whispered into his ear licking the whole length of the helix and with the last thrust he came deep as a husky groan left his mouth.

For a few minutes they didn't move; Red rested his head on her shoulder while Liz caressed the back of his head as she rested her head against the mirror.

Their deep breaths were the only sound in the silent air.

Red kissed her shoulder and withdrew from her then he pulled up the boxer and the trousers from his ankles and put on the shirt. He buckled the belt and he just stared her eyes; they were as unreadable as his.

Liz dressed herself as well; first the bra then the shirt when her phone vibrated in her reticule next to her.

"Keen."

"_Where are you? Where is Reddington?"_

"Reddington is with me." she didn't know why but as she said his name she pulled him against her by his still unbuttoned shirt and caught his lips with hers dominantly then she bit his upper lips while her hand roamed down on his torso again.

Red didn't hesitate either; as she released his lips he kissed and sucked her neck down to her bra leaving wet marks behind him.

"_Come to the Blacksite as fast as you can and bring Reddington too." _and he hang up.

"What did he want?" his voice was still hoarse because of the great and exhausting sex. He kissed his way up to her lips

"He wants us to go to the Blacksite." she murmured against his mouth.

"Mmm…I'm not in the sharing mood…" he grinned as he gave small pecks to her. "Why don't we just…go back… to my safe house?" he pushed her against him again and caressed her bare thighs.

"We have to go…they wouldn't leave us alone." she felt the desire building up in her again so Liz pushed him away and hopped down from the sink and dressed herself up fully. "I'll wait in the car." she said and left the place.

He leaned into the sink for a moment and took a deep breath then he met with his reflection; a satisfied, grinning guy looked back at him in a moment but on the other the worried Red returned.

"_What the hell was that? What now?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to mention that I didn't named it after the book, Fifty shades of Grey because this story will be similar to it; to be honest I didn't read the book and I don't really want to (I found the main line too trite…sorry :D) I just liked the idea of this title :D**

**I don't own anything.**

**2. What the hell am I going to do?**

Elizabeth left the building and with confident steps she walked to the car and sat on the passenger seat. She held her breath for a moment as her brain processed what the hell had just happened. She didn't even know how they ended up in a passionate and rough making out; there was something about a man who had followed them…then suddenly Red had dragged her to the alley where the public toilet was… she still remembered that she had thought how clean that toilet had been, compering the fact that it was at the alley. Liz had asked him what the hell had been wrong with him, then he had just pushed her against the wall with his full body and covered her mouth with his palm as he watched their followers from the semi-closed door who had disappeared within a minute. He had looked at her and realized how close they had been to each other then….then.

She buried her face into her palms; didn't she have enough problems? Did she have to create a new one? A bigger one?

"Oh, god…what the hell am I going to do?" she asked herself loud. Because her soul was tired but in the meantime her body was so relaxed because of the great quickie. Her cheeks blushed as she thought about his reflection in the mirror and the feelings in her in that moment. Red made her wild and immoral; his movements released the beast in her which had been hungry for a while but he fed it very well. "_But what if it wants to eat again? Should I starve it until it breaks down or just satisfy its appetite again?" _she shook her head.

She couldn't even think about it! There were many reasons against it; the FBI, their partnership, Berlin, and the most important: Red. She knew that they couldn't live in a relationship, not just because of the FBI but because of their personalities. They were like the fire and the water, the two edge of the rope.

As much as she didn't want to Liz noticed her jumping heart as Red came out of the toilet, locked his eyes with hers and got in the car. He rested his hands on the steering wheel and looked the ground in front of them; they didn't dare to speak. Liz stared him constantly with searching gaze but his unreadable face didn't tell anything to her.

She let out a small sigh and spoke softly.

"We should go."

Red turned his head toward her and blinked.

"Yeah, we should." his voice was low and his eyes were almost sad.

They hadn't spoken to each other personally. It had been two days and it seemed somehow Red avoided her and he spoke with her only on phone.

She was sitting on her couch and drinking wine while a silly reality show was in the TV but she didn't pay attention, her thoughts were elsewhere.

"_God damn it! We're adults! Why don't we just talk about it and move on? It was a onetime thing and that's it. He's such a drama queen with this childish behavior. I should call him…no, I won't make it easy for him! I'll go and talk to him personally." _with a self-satisfied smirk on her face she grabbed her reticule and went to her car. During the way to him she figured out how she would tell him her opinion about it.

Her knuckles hit the wooden door firmly and after a minute the door opened and Liz gulped. It was Red. In a half-opened bathrobe. Probably he had just come out of the shower.

Shit, that definitely wouldn't help, she thought.

"Lizzie, what can I do for you?" he asked her like nothing had happened between them.

"I-I just came here to talk about…" she desperately wanted to not to stare his still wet chest. "May I come in?"

He still didn't know what was in her mind so he just stepped aside and let her in.

"Would you like to drink somethi…" He was on the way to leave the hallway but her voice stopped him.

"We can't pretend that nothing happened two days before."

He stopped then turned around slowly and tilted his head.

"Then what do you suggest?" his voice changed suddenly; it was lower than before.

"You…we…god!" she rubbed temple and shut her eyes for a minute then locked them with his. "We should forget it. It was a mistake and we should continue our _partnership._"

He didn't speak nor move. He just stared her with that damn unreadable gaze. She took his silence as the sign of agreement so she nodded and turned to leave, her hand was already on the handle when he spoke.

"Is that what you want?" his voice came closer.

"What?" she didn't turn around.

"Is that really what you want, agent Keen? Or your rational mind forces you to tell this?" now his hot breath tickled the back of her neck and she lightly shivered.

"I want it and yes, it includes my rational mind. We couldn't live in a normal relationship."

"So you don't want me to hold your waist again?" his hands sneak up under her blouse and shamelessly circled around her waist. "To kiss your neck?" small kisses peppered her neck and she shut her eyes immediately. She had to encourage herself to leave.

"Red…" she turned around and wanted to warn him but he pushed her back against the door and held her wrists above her head.

"Don't start lying to me; your body betrayed you a second later you came here. You want me…" he inhaled her scent at her neck like a hungry animal and bit it which made her whimper. "And I want you."

"You don't know what I want" she hissed angrily. How dared he tell her such things? And how dared he turn her on again? Liz felt as her blouse dried the water drops from his chest but she had bigger problem; not her blouse was the only one which started getting wet.

"Oh, Lizzie…" he chuckled as he dug his hands into her reticule which had fallen on the drawer and he found what he had searched. "I'm perfectly aware of your…wants." he brought her hands behind her and a cold material closed around her wrists. It was her handcuffs.

"Son of a bitch!" she said loudly and Red chuckled again. If he let her go again…

"Manners, sweetheart. I thought I already know you but how you behaved in the toilet with me was simply…" he looked the door searching the right word and when he found it Red looked back at her. "stunning, mesmerizing and incredibly hot." Red linger the tip of his finger down on her neck and when he reached her blouse he slowly started undoing it slowly while the other kept her by her hips. "Such passion and raw desires are locked behind a door in you and the day before yesterday I had the pleasure to unlock it. I admire you and your…special hunger for pleasures. And for me it was just like the… most delicious chocolate….most valuable wine…" he reached the last button and widened it slowly while Liz never missed the almost sadistic glint in his eyes. Now the tip of his fingers roamed around the bare skin and her stomach muscles tightened immediately then she shut her eyes. He could do anything with her as long as he kept speaking to her; she was trapped but the most scaring thing was that she didn't really want to escape anymore. "You are the perfect cocaine to me, my dear." Red leaned down and kissed her left breast then his lips made their way to the other. "You let me taste you but it was only a slice…" his kisses left hot and wet spots on her neck up to her ear. "But I want the whole cake." he whispered to her ear and bit the helix; Liz couldn't help but a small whimper escaped from her.

"Aren't you a bit insatiable?" she breathed as he undid her jeans and he cupped her through the panties.

"I am. But if I sense right, I'm not the only hungry person here." his voice was hoarse, pupils dilated and hands oh so talented.

As much as she wanted to resist the urge, she pushed herself against his hand. Liz felt his smirking lips against her skin. The sadistic, smug bastard dared to smirk! When she started to speak he shut her up with a searing kiss. And then the familiar beast burst out from her as it recognized the sensation. Red's dominant tongue caught her and they danced a passionate tango. He grabbed her bucking hips and held it tight against his hardening groin while Liz desperately wanted to free her hands; she needed to touch every inch of his body.

"Maybe we're not capable of a normal relationship but we could have a special one with extra benefits. I take everything happily what you give to me and I'll do my best to give you what you really want from a man." he murmured while he kissed every part of her face then returned to her lips.

"Release my hands, please" she begged against his mouth which left hers and wandered down on her torso again. God, she knew if she couldn't touch him right now she would go insane!

"Why would I do that?" he murmured and his left hand searched something in the drawer next to them.

"I want to…" she blushed and couldn't finish her sentence.

"C'mon Lizzie, don't be shy! I don't need the innocent little girl right now; I want the sex goddess. We can play innocent-guilty game later. I want you to feel free to do or say anything as long as you're with me. Don't hold back your fantasies…" his hand came out from the drawer with a scissors and he cut her bra at three different parts when finally the material fell down on the floor then he put back the scissors. "Because I won't hold back mine." he whispered to her ear seductively.

Liz didn't know what to do; she couldn't think anymore. She had wanted to yell at him for destroying her favourite bra but his last sentence shut her up. She always felt that something was missing from her sexual life; before she had met Tom she had had a boyfriend who had taken her virginity and he was a really gentle and careful lover so Liz didn't regret that he was her first one. The sex with Tom was really good however he had always been in control she could never push him over the edge as he couldn't do it with her either. But Red…he had been teasing her for only five minutes and she already wanted to luxuriate every little fantasy on him.

Red played with her nipples until they hardened almost painfully under his thumbs then he licked and bit both which made Liz moan again.

"I could blindfold you but right now I want you to see what I'm doing so keep your eyes on me, understood?" Red asked with his incredibly low voice and Lizzie nodded.

He slowly roamed down on her torso and when he was on his knees he looked up at her to make sure that she was watching him then he took off her boots and freed Liz from her jeans and panties. Red lifted her right leg to his shoulder and peppered her inner-thigh with open mouthed kisses with smacks and when he reached her heated wetness Red locked his eyes with hers and positioned his tongue against her throbbing nerves of bud.

She hissed as she felt Red's teeth closing around her clit but this almost painful movement pushed her closer to the edge. She couldn't divert her eyes away from him; the predatory gaze, the way his mouth moved meanwhile little satisfied hums left it. She clearly saw and felt his building desire as he cupped her ass with both hands and drag her closer to his mouth.

He could watch her forever like this; the messy hair, the parted lips, her rising and falling breasts underneath the blouse and not least the glint of her eyes which tell him that Liz hadn't found a man for her who could indulge her secret wishes. Red knew he wasn't the man who could make all of her wishes come true but definitely he was the one who would accomplish her special ones which made him more eager to let her come again and again until she couldn't think.

Liz reached nirvana fast but he barely let her recover from the first one; he picked up the keys from her reticule and released her wrists. Lizzie immediately pushed the bathrobe down on his shoulder and kissed him forcefully. His erect groin tickled her belly and she wanted to take care of it but Red had another plans; he grabbed her thighs and lifted her. She felt his tightened arm muscles under her palms as he held her and dig her nails in them painfully as he thrust into her hard.

His thrusts were slow but steady at first but as the heat drove him, Red quickened the pace.

"God, don't stop!" she moaned loudly. If people were outside they probably heard it but right now she didn't care as long as she felt him in her hot and hard.

He sucked her neck and accidently a small purple hickey appeared on her skin however he didn't mind it; at least if other men saw it, this thing let them know that she was his.

"Lizzie…" he murmured to her ear and with the last thrust they reached the orgasm together.

After a minute when she opened her eyes and met with his, she smirked devilishly.

"Why did you…avoid me if you…wanted to continue what we started?" she asked him still breathlessly.

"I wanted you to make the first step…to come here and confront me."

"Why?"

"Because I knew that even if your lips lie to me, your body will tell the truth." he grinned and gave a quick kiss to her lips.

"Ass." she rolled her eyes.

"I am." he said proudly and took her down to her feet.

"You ruined my favourite bra by the way."

"I'll buy you a new one." he shrugged and pulled her close by her waist as his eyes watched her breasts. "But if I want to be honest you look much more beautiful without them." he chuckled and kissed her bosom gently. She wondered for a moment how could he be such a gentle man in a minute and demanding lover in the other. She dressed up as Red put on the bathrobe again then she looked at him with playful gaze.

"I should go."

"As you wish." he shrugged. He desperately wanted her to stay but, again, she had to fight this battle with herself first. Until then he had to be patient with her.

She stepped closer and kissed him quickly, sucking his lower lip then she looked into his eyes.

"Good night, Red."

"Good night, Lizzie."

With that she left and went to her car. Like two days before a same sentence played in the car;

"Oh god…what the hell am I going to do?" but this time she shook her head as she laughed quietly.

From the shadow of the window Red didn't miss her happy face and he smiled as well.

**To be continued…**

**Please, leave a review for me :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Love all of your reviews, they made my day!**

**Finally I figured out what I'm going to do with this fanfiction! (It's better later than never, right? :D)**

**So: I'd like to show you how I imagine Red and Lizzie handling this 'friends with benefits' thing. There will be humor, drama, romance, angst…oh and a lot of smuts :D**

**I don't own anything and Blacklist is not mine!**

**3. Addicted to you**

She knew she shouldn't feel this way. It was wrong, oh so wrong…but at the same time she had never been so alive like now – she was blindfolded but she saw the essence of everything that mattered, her wrists were captured by a black silk scarf in front of her however she felt herself totally free. Liz wore nothing but a beautiful black underwear with fitting garter belt although she didn't think she was exposed, and in spite of the fact that she was sitting on her knees on the soft carpet, close to the fireplace where the flames gave comfort and warm feeling, she shivered and goose-bumps appeared on her skin.

The up was down, the down was up. Everything was irrational and yet it made sense.

How could that happen?

…**15 hours earlier…**

In spite of the lot of bad things sometimes Liz had very good mornings, like today. She got up five minutes earlier than her alarm would wake her up. She hadn't had any bad dreams which could be a miracle and she had had peaceful and relaxing night. She turned on the radio as she started running her usual morning cycles; brushing her teeth, going to the toilet, choosing the actual dress. Then there would be the next which would be cleaning up after Hudson but luckily he hadn't done anything inappropriate.

It was really a good morning, she thought.

But it didn't take long; as she stepped out of the shower and went to the mirror she realized a big purple hickey on her neck.

"Damn you, Reddington." she hissed and mentally noted that they should talk about the rules.

Rule #01: No hickeys!

She tried to hide it with a lot of powder but it didn't work and, of course, she couldn't hide the hickey with her blouse either because it was high above her pulse point.

"Great" she groaned.

During the way to the Post Office she had time to create a story about her hickey and Liz could pay attention every little detail because she was stuck in middle of the morning jam. At the end her hand cramped because she pushed the honk almost hysterically in every second minutes.

She had been late for half an hour when finally she reached the Blacksite. Maybe she would have luck and she wouldn't meet with Cooper. Liz almost entered to her office when her boss appeared behind her.

"Agent Keen, you're late!" he sounded angry.

"Sorry sir, but I was in the…" she started explain but he interrupted.

"I don't care even if the Armageddon hit you. This was the third time in this week."

"I'm really sorry, sir."

"I hope you're. And one more thing; I don't care what you do after work but I expect you to behave and look like a real agent when you're working. I appreciate that you apparently wanted to hide the mark on your neck but next time tell your partner to put marks on you where you can really hide it. Understood?"

"_I'm going to kill him." _She nodded then Cooper continued.

"I wanted to give you some paperwork but you had luck this time; Reddington called me, he would be…"

"I'm already here. Good morning agent Cooper" Red greeted him with a light pat on his upper arm and Red turned his attention to Liz who tried not to blush nor smash him. "Agent Keen, you look a bit messy today. Rough night?" he smirked and his eyes travelled down to the hickey.

_Son of a bitch._

She didn't have time to answer because Aram, Ressler and Samar joined. Red was talking about the new case but somehow Liz didn't pay attention especially when he turned around and put photos to the board. She just couldn't stop looking at his ass; it was made for grabbing and squeezing. For biting. As the memories made their way to her mind she mentally dragged him to her hotel and tried out almost every position with him.

They had made love nearly ten hours ago but Liz felt the desire again. This wasn't a good sign, she noted. _Wanting_ someone was a step away from _loving._ Liz knew she couldn't fall in love with him because he didn't love her in romantically way either.

She stood the furthest from Reddington so nobody noticed her predatory gaze as she shamelessly stared him from toes to head but Red. She noticed the slightest embarrassment on him and she licked her lips.

As they finished everybody went to do their task. Liz had to go with Ressler to interrogate some witness; they were at the elevator when suddenly Red grabbed her by the elbow and pushed Liz to her office.

"What the hell are you do…" as the door was closed Red pushed her against it and kissed her forcefully and she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

Thank god, the curtains were down so nobody could see them but she was sure that Ressler heard the small sound as he had pushed her.

He picked her up and put Liz on her desk and Red started kissing her neck. When he reached the hickey she yelped a bit which brought her back to the reality and pushed him back.

"No, we can't do this here." she whispered and collected herself.

"Oh, we definitely can do this here" it wasn't a full second and his hands roamed around her inner-thighs again which made Lizzie moan, but she bit his shoulder so the voice never left her mouth.

"No!" she stepped out of his embrace. "I think we need some rules; first…"

"You can't wear anything in my presence." he interrupted her and started undoing her blouse but this time she didn't stop him.

Hell, she needed him to touch her just a bit and she was sure she could make through this horrible day.

"You'd like that, huh?" she grinned and bit her lip as Liz felt his hot lips on her breasts. No, she had been wrong; Liz couldn't let him touch her because they would end up naked again, but the whole building was full of agents who could enter to her office in any minute. And probably Ressler was still waiting for her. She took a deep breath and pushed him away with a nowewon'thavesexinmyoffice look on her face and he understood.

"So, the first rule; you can't mark me where other people notice." she whispered.

"Maybe I can live with that." he sighed.

"Two; no sex during work"

"No way!" he shouted and Lizzie hushed him.

"Take it or leave it, Red." she grinned.

He shut his eyes painfully for a moment and looked at her.

"Fine."

"Three; you won't sleep with other women and I won't sleep with other men. I know we're not a couple but I'm not a sharing type; if you find somebody we'll stop playing with each other."

"_How can I think about other women when I have you, sweetheart?"_

"Okay. That's it?"

"Yeah." she stepped closer and straightened his tie.

"Will you come tonight?" he asked as his hands sneaked around her waist.

"Maybe" she said playfully and kissed his neck softly.

"Mmmm, you already want to break your rule, sweetheart?" he gasped to her ear.

"There isn't any rule about teasing the other." she whispered back seductively and slapped his ass then she walked out.

Ressler was waiting for her in front of the elevator and when he saw them he furrowed his brows.

"What have you been doing in the office?"

"We just…" Red started to explain but Liz interrupted.

"Foreplay and wild sex, what else?" Liz shrugged and Red froze for a moment but his unreadable mascara saved him.

"Yeah, right. Next time you should say nothing." Ressler murmured. "_Of course they had a fight again"_ Ressler thought.

"Then don't ask idiot questions." she mumbled.

###

[at Red's safe house]

Her day had been a whole mess so she had wanted nothing more than go home and sleep. But of course she hadn't found peace at home because her biological cycle was at the 'horny' mood.

And that's how she ended up here.

Her thoughts were disturbed by a finger on her jaw and felt the heat which came from the proximity of his body; he was surely stood in front of her as he studied her.

At that moment Liz felt herself vulnerable but it was so good because she knew Red would never do anything which would turn this into a bad feeling.

"You know what is the biggest problem with our society?" he spoke an octave lower than usually. She called it _the sexy voice._

"No."

"They desperately try to hide the sexuality like it would be a bad thing. Especially in the case of women; they grow up with the sure knowledge that she shouldn't enjoy the sexual pleasures as much as men do." as he was speaking to her he kneeled behind her and stroked her side with his hands while he kissed her neck up to her ear. "Just think about it for a moment, Lizzie; when a man talks about sex, they say it's normal, but if a woman'd do the same most of people would be shocked. That's why a lot of woman are prude and doesn't capable of the orgasm. But luckily you're not one of them." he lifted her from sitting position so she was kneeling as him; Red pulled her against his chest and caressed her torso. "You can let yourself drown into the one of the most beautiful things and it's a big gift for you." he slowly slipped his hand into her panties and started rubbing her with painful slowness "And for me" he growled to her ear. "Because I have the pleasure to give you the satisfaction and make all of your fantasies come true. I have to tell you I was a bit surprised when I heard your honest answer about what do you want to do tonight."

Yes, she had told him that she wanted him to do anything with her but the rest of the work was Red's.

She moaned and pressed her cheek against his.

"Then the second surprising moment came to me when you allowed me to blindfold you and restrain you. But then I realized; you're that kind of woman who is strong every day, at home, at work and yet she wants to be the vulnerable sometimes. She wants someone who could dominate her in bed. This is how you showed up here tonight, am I right Lizzie?" when she didn't answer he stopped his fingers.

"Yes" she gasped. Yes, he was damn right.

"That's my girl." Red whispered into her ear and sucked the lobe. He released her wrists and slowly pushed her back, away from him as he kept his other hand on her belly so she landed gently on big, long and quiet comfortable pillows.

His chesthair tickled her back and he started kissing her spine-line. Liz wasn't sure how long she would be able to stand this sweet torture but then she felt as he slid down her panties with the garter belt and kissed her neck again.

"If I do something that you don't like just tell me to stop." he said gently as he cupped her left breast.

"You talk too much." she moaned and pressed her ass to his now freed hard-on.

Ha made really slow and gentle love to her from behind and when she was close to her edge he suddenly took off scarf and she found themselves in front of a large mirror; his eyes were locked with hers in the mirror while he kissed her shoulder.

"I saw at the toilet…that you liked…mirrors" he had hard time to speak "Just look our reflections…how beautiful you are…" he moaned quietly because he was close too.

With the last thrust they came together.

They lied on the pillows in each other's arms for hours. Liz was too tired to protest and Red just enjoyed every moment with her. Red had brought a blanket earlier so they weren't in hurry; they were just talking about everyday things; books, movies, music etc.

It was strange but also it felt good; their minds turned off, for a few hours they didn't think about Berlin, nor the Blacklist, nor the agent-criminal roles. They were just lovers after a wonderful lovemaking.

Because it wasn't just sex anymore – maybe it had never been.

**To be continued…**

**Please leave a review for me :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank all the reviews, they made great moments to me :)**

**This chapter is a bit different like the previous ones but I still hope you'll like it… so brace yourself; fluff is coming! :D**

**I don't own anything and Blacklist is not mine (…unfortunately…)**

**4. How dare you?!**

"So; you want to take agent Keen to this party where we can't protect her and she can't take her gun either?" Cooper asked with disbelief.

"Agent Cooper, why don't you see the bright side of the life? She'll be with me." Red smirked.

"That's the worst thing in this situation." Ressler mumbled and Red rolled his eyes.

_They are so wimps sometimes – _he thought.

"Sir, I can do this." Liz stood up and stepped next to Red.

"Like the Syrian embassy?" Ressler asked with sarcasm.

"It was a trap, of course they caught me!" she threw her hands in the air. "But Red helped me and there wasn't any problem."

"Enough!" Cooper shouted then looked at Liz with questioning eyes. "Are you sure? The FBI can't help if you…"

"Sir, I can do this." she said with matter-of-fact.

"Okay, we take this case. Agent Keen, you can go home now. After the party you have to call me and I want a report about this undercover mission. Understand?"

"Yes, sir." She nodded then left the Post Office with Red.

During the drive they talked about the case which wasn't really important or relevant. Truth to be told Red gave this case to the FBI because he wanted to take her to somewhere tonight. It was a special one; it had been a month since their 'first time' but he knew Liz wouldn't go with him to a date. Somehow he understood Liz and this kind of relationship with her was more comfortable but sometimes he really missed things: the first was the dating - they had agreed in sex and not more. Second was the time that they had spent together; usually she came to him, they made love and after an hour she left. Their longest night was when they had made love in front of the fireplace but it was three weeks ago. Third and most important; she never slept with him. Of course after their séances she was a cuddling type but she refused to stay there and leave in the morning. He never asked her to do but she never said she'd like it either.

When they arrived at her hotel Liz noticed that Red got out of the car and brought a luggage with him too.

"Wha..what are you doing?" she asked.

"I brought my tux with me." he answered simply and he hung his tux on the door of the wardrobe. He turned around and saw the frozen Liz looking at him curiously. "What?" he asked innocently. "Did you really think that I won't help you with the dress?" he chuckled as he closed the door then stepped behind her and his hands found the way under her blouse. "And I think we should practice our husband-wife role." he whispered to her ear and smiled when he felt goose bumps on her skin. "Let's start with the wedding night." he suggested.

"_This man is unbelievable"_ she laughed and turned around to kiss this man.

After they 'inaugurated' the bed and the shower Liz put on some makeup and Red sat on the bed, watching her. A wicked idea entered into his mind and stepped next to Liz like he wanted to straighten his white shirt but when Liz put on some lipstick with full concentration on her face he playfully poked her elbow while he was watching her reflection with same concentration.

"Red!" now a long red line was on her right cheek. She wanted to be angry but his innocent look made her giggle.

"Lizzie, I'm afraid this evening won't be a Halloween party but you look really adorable with this Joker mascara" he laughed and she hit his arm playfully. He gave her a short kiss and a small box appeared in his hand.

"What is it?"

Red didn't answer just open it; there was a beautiful antique style ring with ornamental figures.

"Red, it's…" she couldn't find the right word.

He didn't say anything just put the ring on her finger as he pulled his own too.

She froze for a moment; it was so real and it scared her. She picked up her purse and left the room.

Red sighed and followed her.

###

The evening was really nice and she had to note that sometimes a room with full of criminals could be really delightful. Of course, everyone was curious about Red's new wife so they had company during the party.

They were about to leave when a really handsome man stepped next to her while Red went to pick up their coats.

"Sorry and this is going to be really lame but an inner thought haunted me to come here and introduce myself; I'm Robert Cochen." he held his hand to Liz who took it with a small smile on her lips.

"I'm Elizabeth."

"Nice to meet you, Elizabeth. I'm sure you heard it a million times but your eyes are simply breathtakingly beautiful." he said with serious tone. He really believed his words which were quiet charming for her.

"Thank you but before you start something: I'm married." she desperately wanted to believe that she refused him because of their undercover and not because of their third rule with Red; no relationship with others.

"Oh, I see. And who is the lucky one?"

She pointed at Red who stopped talking with one of the guests.

"Well, he's really lucky indeed, but this old goat satisfies you?" he asked with disbelief.

Liz glared him for a moment and she couldn't decide that he really said that or she just misunderstood something? The true concern in his eyes told her which one was real.

How dared he?! How could he doubt Red's ability even for a second?

She felt her cheeks burning but not because of the embarrassment. Because of the anger.

Robert was really lucky guy; before she could smash him with something big and hard, she felt Red's hand sneak around her waist.

"Hello, I think we haven't met. I'm Raymond." Red said with serious gaze.

"Robert Cochen. We were just…"

"Honey, can we go? Now?" Liz turned to Red who knew immediately that something wasn't right.

"Of course. It was pleasure to meet you, Robert." Red and Liz were about to leave when Liz ran back to Robert to say something but Red didn't heard it.

###

She knew she had to do or say something because no one could hurt Red's pride without consequence.

"I'm really sorry, I just realized I didn't answer your question" she said with sweet tone but the sweetness died a moment later. "My husband never failed to satisfy my appetite which is quiet big and believe me, when I say, he is a big boy; I'm not talking about his height." she winked at him and with a satisfied but still angry grin she left with Red.

###

During the way to her hotel they didn't speak. Red knew he was in trouble. Big, big trouble. When they stopped he asked Dembe to take Hudson for a walk then Dembe nodded and left them alone.

"Okay. I'm sure you're right, but what did I do this time?" he turned to her but all Red could see was Liz as she straddling and kissing him with desire.

"Whoa! Slow down, Lizzie!" he tried to protest but she already started rocking her hips against his and she kissed his neck. As much as he enjoyed the moment he pushed her back and looked at her with questioning eyes. "What happened, Lizzie? Why you're angry?"

"Please, once in your life would you just shut up and kiss me?" she asked as she started undoing his shirt.

"We haven't finished yet." he said and pulled her closer to him.

Everything happened so fast; they still wore their clothes and Liz was just half ready for him but she lowered herself down on his hard member. She didn't care; she was angry and she just wanted to forget. It didn't last longer than ten minutes but the pleasure was as hard as usually because of the mixed emotions.

He let her recover for a minute or two and he cupped her cheeks.

"Sweetheart, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"It's really stupid." she avoided his gaze because she acted ridiculously.

"Don't care if it's stupid or not; you can tell me everything." he brushed his thumbs to her cheekbones to encourage her.

"That Robert guy…that son of a bitch said something that I didn't like."

"Did he hurt you? I'm going to ki…"

"No, he didn't hurt me. He hurt you." she said quietly as she caressed his chest "He doubted your capabilities."

"My capability of…"

"He doubted if you could satisfy me. How can be someone an arrogant prick like him? And he just made me upset and when I'm upset…" she blushed then smiled.

"So you ran back to…"

"Maybe I was a bit vulgar but I don't care. I had to do something!"

A true, happy, bright smile appeared on his face and kissed her lovingly. She protected him because she cared about him which was close to the particular emotion that he felt for a long time.

But he could tell she wasn't ready to admit it to herself.

Yet.

**To be continued…**

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Awful maybe? (:**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all the reviews they made my days!**

**I owe with a huuuuge thank you to JJgoodhope who corrected my mistakes! :)**

**And I have to thank you to Cocoa Girl who gave me a great idea to this chapter! :)**

**5. Symposium**

"_According to Greek mythology, human beings were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. (…)and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment"_

_Plato, The Symposium_

She didn't know what was wrong with her.

She was just…_numb. _Like somebody put all of her emotions into a box and locked it with seven padlocks. She wasn't happy but she wasn't sad either. She just survived the days. There wasn't any case so Liz didn't do anything all day but finish paperwork and play Angry Birds. Something was missing.

Something important, she knew. She felt it in her guts but she didn't know or let's say, didn't dare to name this missing treasure.

Nothing was worse than when a person didn't feel anything but disinterest about the world around her or him. Hell, even anger or sadness was better than this!

Lizzie literally hated these days when she didn't feel any motivation to say or suggest or even murmur something.

She had to change her mood because this statement would kill her slowly and painfully.

And nothing was a better cure for this illness than good old fantasies.

Ressler went out to get some coffee for them because they had decided that this day would be the day when they'd finish all the paper work.

Times like this, when she was alone she picked an online radio station and listen to some music through her headset to relax. She could have listened out loud because it was nearly ten p.m. and Liz, Ressler and one or two more agents were there but she preferred the headset because this way she felt the intimacy between her and the beat of the music. For the first time this day she felt something more than disinterest. A really hot music hummed things to her ear and she couldn't help but put her legs together up on the desk, lean back in her chair and close her eyes. As the lyrics went line by line her mind created a room.

_In this room the song created something new, something hot. Only the pale moonlight gave a solid light to this room where there was a king size bed with welcoming feelings and she couldn't resist the urge; she just lay down and buried her nose into the pillow. She felt his scent on it. His, sweet yet very masculine scent with a dash of his cologne. It was intoxicating, all of her senses came alive, and she felt the familiar heat rising between her legs. She looked around for a moment and when she didn't see anything but the silhouette of the furniture she rolled to her stomach and her right hand slowly made its way down to her panties. She caressed her hipbone for a minute then she slid down the material and placed her finger to that pleasurably sweet spot between her legs then started making circles which were sometimes fast, sometimes painfully slow._

She had a special selection of music which she called 'bedtime songs' and this new song had just joined. As the music played slow beats she slowly rocked her hips back and forth while she rested her hands in her lap; she could hardly control herself not to do the same as she in her fantasy.

_She was close to the edge when Liz opened her eyes and a whimper escaped from her; she found the man in front of her, sitting in the armchair in a three-piece suit without the jacket, right leg above the other and he was watching her with an unreadable face but his body language told her, he was smug as always._

_She stared at him for a minute then she closed her eyes again and continued her business. Feeling his hungry eyes dancing on her skin boiled the blood in her veins which made her fingers move faster and faster until she died and went to that heaven of pleasures. A few minutes later when she opened her eyes again, Red was nowhere. She wanted to get up and look for him but then she felt warm hands on her hips which belonged unmistakably to him. He parted her legs with his knee while she heard as he undid his belt and unzipped his fly. His talented hand roamed to her throbbing groin and caressed it for a minute before thrusting into her more forcibly than usual. He carried this roughness through their lovemaking but she didn't mind, moreover she liked this cold behavior of his._

A tiny moan escaped from her and her eyes snapped open immediately but nobody was in the room so she returned to her secret room which was now loud because of her moans and screams. Unconsciously she lightly rubbed her thighs together and then she felt the similar hand resting on her knee. She didn't dare to open her eyes because she feared the feeling would disappear; Liz was sure she just imagined the hand on her which went up on her leg and slipped between her mid-thighs while another pulled out the headset from her ears.

"Mmm… I have to tell you that nothing compares to the scene when I come back and all I can see is you sitting comfortable in a chair while your gorgeous hips do this little movements back and forth. Two weeks without you made me a bit impatient to touch you again but right now I literally can't resist the urge to make you mine. Right here. Right now." He whispered into her ear while his hand between her legs moved up and down avoiding her groin.

She opened her eyes and hadn't imagined the hand; Red was finally with her. As the realization hit her, suddenly that little box with the seven padlocks disappeared and all of her emotions deluged her; the one missing thing in her life was Red's presence. He had been gone for two weeks and she hadn't heard from him during this time. She wasn't angry at him because Red had said earlier that he would be gone for a few weeks because of Berlin.

She hardly admitted to herself that she had missed Red and also hardly admitted the growing feeling toward him. She knew she shouldn't let herself daydream about a relationship with him so she swallowed all the happy tears and took a deep breath then she whispered;

"If I'd want to follow this line, hypothetically of course, how would you satisfy this urge?" she grinned and closed her eyes again.

"Well…first, I'd pick you up from here and I'd carry you to that comfortable couch then put you down on my lap." as he told this Red picked her up in bridal position and did the same. To his surprise she didn't protest. "Then I'd kiss you properly." and he did. When they felt each other's tongue both of them moaned. The slowness and sensuality was soon replaced by a hard and passionate kiss.

Red felt thousands of hundreds butterflies in his belly. They had been in a 'friends with benefits' relationship for almost four months and they hadn't been apart from each other more than three days since then. He still remembered when he had got home they had acted like horny teenagers so they had made love all day. He started loving her even more than the rules would allow him but not just because of the sexual attraction; what his associates had told him about Liz in the past twenty years he had started experiencing on his own; her love, hate, anger, the overprotective behavior, but one of the most beautiful things was when she truly smiled at him; not the smile-because-I-have-to-smile, but the smile-because-I'm-happy or smile-because-you-made-me-laugh. Times like this her whole body laughed and he'd destroy the whole world and build it again to see her smiling this way.

He started to play with the rules to make the time longer in order to spend with her.; sometimes he took her to a restaurant, or flew to Cuba with her.

His thoughts were disturbed by a gentle bite on his lower lip.

"Where are you?" she asked him quietly, smiling at him and his heart stopped for a second. _That smile._

"Sorry, I just…" he didn't finish it, just kissed her again but this time he invested all of his emotions into that kiss which affected her because she threw her right leg to the other side and straddled him. Red pulled her closer to him and silently moaned when she was in position right above his groin.

Liz was impatient. She couldn't bear to wait one more minute to feel his gentle touch, his delicious kiss, his smooth skin everywhere. No, she wasn't a nymphomaniac, she could live without sex and she had already when she had left Tom; that time Liz hadn't had sex with another person for five months.

But the sex with Red was different.

It was like a drug; it was addictive and when you didn't have even a little dose you started craving for more and you'd end up in the corner of the dark room, sitting and shaking, waiting for your drug dealer to give you a new dose.

Until then Hell was on Earth and Heaven was somewhere else.

She started kissing his jawline and she was aware of the fact that one of his most sensitive areas was his neck. When she bit the skin above his pulse point he groaned and squeezed her ass.

They were about to leave their clothes behind when both of them heard Ressler as he was speaking on his phone. Lizzie jumped from his lap and straightened her blouse; she almost looked like she hadn't wanted to make love in the office. Almost. She sat down at her desk and let out an annoyed sigh which made Red laugh a bit.

"Later" he said with low voice.

When Ressler entered the room a wicked idea entered her mind and she looked at Red with annoyance.

"Seriously, Red why don't you just call me and we could search all of the important papers about him."

For a second Red didn't know what was wrong with her but then he entered the game.

"I am really sorry that you have to do your job after work time, and I'm really sorry that the devil never sleeps, Agent Keen." he rolled his eyes. "Hey, Donald, how are you? I just reviewed the new case with Agent Keen."

"What case?"

"Some kind of Jacob with a long name who could help us catch Berlin." she lied easily to Ressler. "And, of course, Reddington needs the documents about this guy right now so I have to go to the evidence storage and search them."

"I'll help you to find these papers." he shrugged.

"Oh, no, you can go home. One of us should sleep a little tonight." She shot a death glare toward Red who grinned mischievously.

If the FBI found out that she was sleeping with the Concierge of Crime, at least she could change jobs and be a Broadway actress.

"No, I'll stay. I'm not really tired" he smiled at her and she returned the gesture.

"Then let's go." she stood up and they headed to the door. When Red went to the elevator Liz stopped him by his elbow. "Oh, noooo, you'll help us find the documents. You're the only one who memorized his name." she grinned at him.

Red acted like he was annoyed but this performance turned him on more and he was curious about what would happen next.

They were at the door of the FBI evidence storage facility when she stopped suddenly and buried her face into her hands.

"What's wrong, Liz?" Ressler asked.

"I forgot to give water to Hudson. I have to go home." she looked at Red, begging with her eyes to stop her.

"Lizzie, this is important and we're wasting precious time as Berlin steps away from us. You can't leave because of a dog. He'll live."

"I'm staying here." Ressler suggested.

"I speak only with agent Keen about this case. Sorry Donnie, you're not good enough." Red patted his shoulder then Ressler rolled his eyes and took her keys from her hand.

"Then I'll go and give water to your dog."

"Thank you Ressler, you're the best." she smiled at him and Ressler went to his car.

The room was big and she knew there were cameras everywhere, but one of them which observed the left corner of the room didn't record; she had heard Aram's complaints about the security system which hardly worked, not to mention that none of them recorded any voice and he had proved right with this camera.

She looked up and smiled when she didn't see the red spot. Liz turned around and found Red in front of her still confused a bit. She leaned against a table where usually the agents put down the necessary items to find out the truth. (It became a twisted habit for them not to use items properly.)

"We have forty-five minutes without Ressler…what are we going to do?" she sighed then a devilish grin appeared on her lips.

"Oh, you are really bad, sweetheart." he chuckled and closed the distance between them.

She pushed off his jacket from his shoulders and started to unbutton his vest and shirt while he did the same with her clothes but their lips never left each other. He put her to the table and when all her clothes were gone he knelt in front of her and kissed her inner-thighs. She rested herself on her elbows while her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed. He put her left leg to his shoulder and without any warning he licked and sucked her clit forcefully; not as much as he'd have wanted since it wasn't the time for long foreplay.

After a few minutes Liz came quickly and he stood up carefully; he didn't want to hurt the muscles in her left leg which was still on his shoulder. He took his time on her breasts but not as long for it to have satisfied his needs.

She wanted to put down her leg from his shoulder and pay back his previous generous caresses but he held her by her waist.

"I'd be more than happy if you'd do that but unfortunately time is running out." he mumbled against her collarbone and entered into her inch by inch with a bit more force than usually. When he was fully in her Red drew small circles with his hips slowly because he knew this would drive her crazy and she would forgive his roughness.

For a minute she wondered if Red was a mind-reader and he had heard her fantasy, but as he set the pace all thought disappeared from her mind and she saw stars.

And they were there again, just like four months ago; a complete mess around them but this mess was also a wonderful thing for them.

Her moans became louder and Red cupped her cheek with his hand and rested his forehead against her.

"Shh, darling…somebody could hear you" he lingered his thumb on her swollen lower lip and Liz took it into her mouth, sucked it hard and smirked when this time his lips let out a low groan.

Oh, yes she knew how to make him completely lose control.

He slowed down for a few slow but hard thrusts then he quickened the pace again and they came like mad.

As he felt his member calm down Red kissed her calf and placed her left leg around his waist as he withdrew. He kissed her neck up to her temple and rested his forehead against hers.

"I missed you." he whispered with closed eyes.

The seriousness in his voice made her heart jump a little and truth be told she was scared because it seemed like her daydreams came true; she knew Red didn't have romantic feeling toward her but the way he had told her these three little words …it was almost a declaration of love.

"Thank you." she whispered and pushed him back by his chest then she stood on her jelly legs and dressed up again.

Thank you…THANK YOU? Seriously?! He let out a disappointed sigh and collected his things.

When both of them finished dressing Red looked at her with a small but still sad smile on his lips.

"Now, let's find somebody whose name is Jacob with a long last name."

Two minutes later Ressler joined who didn't have the slightest clue what had happened there but he could tell that Red had told Liz something because now they acted really weird again.

**To be continued…**

**I hope you liked this chapter and if you have time please leave a review for me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you the reviews I loved all of them! This chapter will be a bit (maybe very) angst but I hope you'll like it. There will be a song in this chapter which helped me reach the right emotional statement which is the "Immortal" by "Evanescence".**

**A BIG thank you to my lovely beta, Jjgoodhope for helping me! :)**

**I don't own anything.**

**6. Immortal**

Do you know which moment is the worst? When you can't push a single tear from your eyes because you cried all the warmness from there. It eats you up. It's under your skin. It holds your throat and you can't even breath, your lungs are screaming for help but you just can't take a deep sigh to feel the release. As days are passing by you feel how this new thing in you is roaming through your body how it poisons your soul. And you know you can't take away the pain with crying.

As you're sitting on the floor in the company of scotch and cookies you realize; the man whom you held the dearest is gone...

Forever.

…_**Six days earlier…**_

"Don't go. Sleep with me tonight" Red grabbed her wrist gently when Lizzie wanted to climb out of the bed; his eyes were full of joy but there was a tiny uneasiness too.

She wanted to stay but also she was scared because of it. After she had lost everything Liz felt her heart was like a pincushion; every little needle had left a tiny scar but after this year these little things had become a large ugly scar and she was afraid that if she agreed to the relationship with Red she would have got hurt again.

It was an impossible situation; her heart wanted to stay but her brain screamed for running. This time her rational side won.

"Red…" she wanted to say something smart, something meaningful but in the moment when she had said his name, Red lowered his head and released her wrist. He turned around and put on his bathrobe then walked to the window.

She knew she had hurt him but Liz needed time to think throughout the whole situation. She walked behind him and her hands found the way to his masculine chest and caressed it softly. A minute later he took her hands into his and kissed her palms.

"I can't do this anymore Lizzie; not like this." his voice was low; she felt the resonance at his back.

"We agreed…" she whispered but Red interrupted her.

"I know and I thought I'd be able to do this but…" he shook his head and continued with a heavy sigh. "I know it's selfish to ask you to be with me every moment when it's possible. But I'm still doing it. You don't have to answer now but you have to choose, Elizabeth."

She released him and walked out of the house without a word.

She couldn't sleep that night; her wheels ran like a mad machine which lost the control; pros and cons fought against each other. Since they had started this new thing she felt how Red made his way into her heart but she hadn't dared to listen to these voices.

As the sun turned up to the sky she made her decision.

###

After work she called Dembe and asked him to make an appointment with Red; they agreed that they would meet at that little coffee shop where they usually discussed their cases.

As she turned to the street a small smile appeared on her face and her stomach flipped a bit; Red was leaning against his car and speaking on his phone. She loved his businessman attitude; it was incredibly hot. She parked in front of the street and took a deep breath then a second later Dembe walked to her car and opened the door.

"Good afternoon, Liz" he greeted her politely and she was glad that he finally called her Liz.

"Hi, Dembe" she smiled at him then took a look at Red.

"I'm sorry, this might take a bit longer." he pointed at Red with his head.

"No problem, I'll go to the coffee shop." they started walk toward Reddington who gave a small smile to Liz and stepped toward her…

Then suddenly the car behind him exploded. It was just a moment and everything was so peaceful for a minute and then all she could see was Red…laying unconsciously next to the burning car. All his white cream suit was covered with blood and he didn't move.

The explosion had taken them aback, both Dembe and Liz fell down but as she realized the happenings she stood up quickly and wanted to run to him but two strong arms stopped her.

"No! Let me go I must help! Let me go" she screamed and cried but Dembe didn't let her; instead he dragged Liz to her car.

"Go! They'll kill you as well, go Elizabeth!" in that moment she had just realized the sound of the guns.

"No, I can't leave him! PLEASE!" her cries were almost hysterical. It couldn't…it shouldn't have ended up like that.

He grabbed her shoulder and forced her to look into his eyes.

"Elizabeth, you have to go! I promised him to protect you if he…" Dembe swallowed "Please, go! I'll take care of him."

And she drove. Liz didn't know how long she had been circling around the streets, she didn't even hear when her boss called her on phone. After a while when the shock started to disappear she looked at the mirrors and when she didn't find anybody who would have followed her, Lizzie went to the place where last time she had been happy. Her mind was numb, only her physical system worked which took her there.

Lizzie opened the door and stepped into the safe house. She didn't know what time it was, only the darkness told her that it was late. As a well-trained FBI agent she should have looked around the house for searching enemies but the woman with a broken heart navigated her to the liquor cabinet and filled a glass with scotch; not caring with her burning stomach Liz swallowed the whole drink and filled it again until her head felt heavy and all she wanted was sleeping. Sleeping next to him.

Her jelly legs took her to the bedroom where she could still see him; _unbuttoning his shirt while he tried to hold the phone to his ear with his shoulder or sitting in the armchair and reading a book._

But the most beautiful moment in this sweet hallucinationwas that when_ Red took her by her hands and led her to the bed; he undressed her slowly while his loving eyes never left her features. He gave her one of his shirts to put on then Red leaned down and kissed her softly as he lay with her on the bed. She felt how he pressed his strong chest against her back while the caressing hand found the way to her waist and pulled her closer._

"_Good night, sweetheart." he whispered into her ear and she shivered lightly._

"Good night, my love." she sobbed.

She didn't think about anything she just slept; she ran to her dreams where he was still there with Liz but her own screams woke her up whenever she intend to tell him that she'd have liked to sleep with him that night and every other night when it'd have been possible.

She could sleep two maybe three hours when the morning lights ran into the room to caress her face; for a brief moment, somewhere between dreaming and reality she thought that his hand touched her cheek. Her eyes snapped open immediately and Liz looked around to find him; but again, she was alone. Alone with her aching heart.

As the realization hit her she wanted to scream, wanted to destroy, to hurt everybody and everything in this world; Liz wanted everyone and everything to feel the pain which took all her breaths away from her lungs, which knotted her belly. But the scariest thing was that Liz wanted to hurt herself; she was the reason why she wouldn't experience a relationship with him. Her goddamn rationality took away the only stability, the only joy from her life.

Of course she had loved Tom more than anything but what she felt toward Red was different; she was addicted to his touch, to his love…Elizabeth Keen was literally addicted to _him._ And not just physically, not anymore. She loved him with all of her heart but she would never be able to tell him now. Yesterday when she had met Red she had wanted to tell him this but destiny had played a sick and twisted game with her heart and it hadn't let Liz tell him that.

She didn't want to leave the bed and get ready for work; instead she buried her nose into his pillow and inhaled his scent. Liz didn't care about her ringing phone; she just turned it off without seeing who called her because right now she was unable to listen to the world's problem. Her problem meant the world to her.

At around twelve o'clock she had showered to clear her mind but he was everywhere; in every second minute she looked around and waited for him - appearing in the shower or at the door or come from the kitchen.

She blamed herself; if she could have made the right decision that night they wouldn't have had to meet at the coffee shop and maybe he'd have made lunch for her after a wonderful lovemaking.

The fresh water didn't give any release; it was just a wet thing on her skin. Was she already depressed or was she mourning for Red? Both feelings were there in her heart because the grief brought depression. That was the reason why she couldn't enjoy the shower, the foods and drinks anymore.

_I'm so tired of being here  
>Suppressed by all my childish fears<br>And if you have to leave  
>I wish that you would just leave<br>'Cause your presence still lingers here  
>And it won't leave me alone<em>

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
>This pain is just too real<br>There's just too much that time cannot erase  
><em>

She didn't do anything in the next five days but she wore his shirts all day and watched the security footages of the garden of the safe house where he had been smoking cigars and reading a book or he had been sharing dinner with her.

God was her witness she wanted to cry, she wanted to pull away all of her miserable thoughts and feelings with crying but her eyes were dry; the urge for crying strangled her painfully.

Nothing could take away her pain; slowly she accepted the constant feeling and let it roam through her body and spirit.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
>Now I'm bound by the life you left behind<br>_

_Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
>Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me<em>

In the lonely hours she wondered why on God's green earth did she admit her love after he was gone? When he had been alive her emotions had been so confusing but now she saw everything ordered; she loved, worshipped and adored him.

"_Life is a big, fat irony; I didn't know how much I love Red till after I lost him forever." _another urge for crying but Lizzie failed again.__

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
>This pain is just too real<br>There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
>But though you're still with me<br>I've been alone all along_

She was sitting on the floor with a glass of scotch and cookies; she stared into the darkness and thought about how sad she really was. Lizzie looked around slowly; this place had been so lovely full of colors but now grey walls stared back, the moonlight lost its magic. However her body refused any movement, her mind made her stand up and Liz walked to the garden. The night was cold; the promise for rain was hanging in the air. Lizzie took deep breaths and let the cold air enter her lungs then she shivered but didn't care with the goose bumps. Liz had always been afraid of thunder but her melancholy turned this feeling into something dark and strange and Lizzie let herself drown into this.

One, two, three raindrops landed on her cheek and in the next moment she lied on the bed with her face to the window and watched the silent late-autumn thunder; the weather adjusted to her mood.

The only relief which reached her in the past five days was sleeping; in her sleep she wasn't angry, she wasn't lonely nor sad; for a few hours she was intrinsically _nothing_. But looked like tonight she didn't get this privilege; she closed her eyes but the dreams didn't come.

She had been lying there for an hour when she heard stealthy noises as somebody closed the front door. She should have been afraid, really, but she wasn't. She didn't care if Red's assassin found her and now he'd end her life too. Lizzie almost thought that she had imagined the noises but then somebody stepped into the bedroom and went closer to her. She felt her heart beating a bit faster than usually but still Liz didn't move. The murder slowly knelt to the bed and made himself comfortable then his hand reached for her waist.

She inhaled sharply; it was unmistakably _his_ hand. Liz thought she hallucinated but when _his_ sweet and loving scent hit her nose the stifling feeling and the knot in her belly disappeared and she cried loudly; she cried in relief, she cried for him.

"Shhh…sweetheart, please don't cry. I'm here." Red hushed her gently as a silent tear left his right eye too.

Lizzie turned around and buried her face into his neck while her hands held on to him tight.

She would never let him go again.

**To be continued…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you all the reviews, they made my days!**

**A big THANK YOU to my lovely beta, Jjgoodhope for helping me! :)**

**There'll be a song in this chapter too, "Lullaby" by "Creed". Oh, and I'll give you a fair ****warning****: This is the fluffiest chapter that I've ever written. :D Hope you'll enjoy this!**

**Don't own anything!**

**7. Lullaby**

The past five days were a plain torture for Red. He had had luck; the bomb hadn't killed him because it had been under the luggage rack and he had stood in front of the hood but the explosion had taken him aback then he had hit his head hard.

But the most painful thing these days were that he had thought that his enemy had caught Lizzie. When he had found out that a man named Francesco Lottie had been behind the happenings Red had hunted his associate down. This associate had said that he had killed Elizabeth and before Red could have had killed him slowly in his hidden psychopath way, the man had taken cyanide.

Red had totally broken down when Dembe had tried to reach Elizabeth on phone and after they hadn't got any answer he had asked his bodyguard to take him to the safe house. He had to run again before Lottie's other people would find out that he was still alive.

As he slowly entered the house a lonely thought crossed his mind; why didn't he help Lottie and end up his miserable life on his own?

He shook his head when the realization hit him; he couldn't die until he'd found Lottie and destroyed his whole world like Lottie had done to him.

He was really tired and his heart ached like hell so he headed toward the bedroom.

And then he saw her lying on the bed in his shirt, hugging his pillow. He stopped for a moment to make sure that he hadn't imagined her. His Lizzie. His beautiful and loving woman was alive and she was there. He thought that she was sleeping so silently he leaned to the bed and hugged her because right now he needed her closeness, Red needed her proximity.

When Lizzie started crying and held on to him so tight he realized that she still thought that he was dead. How she reacted, it meant the world to him because right there Red knew that Lizzie loved him as much as he had been in love with her for a long time. The relief and the happiness created a small tear which couldn't help but escape from his right eye.

_Hush my love now don't you cry  
>Everything will be all right<br>_

###

A few minutes later Lizzie calmed down a bit but still didn't release her grip.

"I thought…I thought you were…your blood everywhere." she sniffed.

"It wasn't my blood. A poor guy stood close to the car…it was his blood. I just hit my head pretty hard but thanks to Dembe I could get out of there."

"Where have you been?" she searched for his eyes and stroked her fingers against his sideburns; his entire face danced in the shadow of joy and overwhelmed happiness but Lizzie could tell he was tired. Usually Red looked younger than his age but at that moment he exactly looked like a 54 year old man who had been caring dead weights on his shoulders in the past five days since they hadn't met.

"I thought they caught you. I hunted the man down who put the bomb under my car. Before he died he told me that he…he…" mere idea of Liz being dead strangled him painfully "killed you. I came here to get packed before I chase this man, Francesco Lottie. Because I simply couldn't rest in peace while your murderer is still alive."

His words took her aback. Rest in peace? Did he mean it _that way?_

"_Rest in peace?" _she furrowed her brows.

"I hope you don't think that I could live without you presence in this world, Lizzie. You are my everything. My only reason to keep breathing and fighting in this world. Do you remember what I asked you from the night before…well, before hell broke loose?"

"Yes." before she could answer him Red interrupted her.

"What I want to say is that if you don't have the same feelings for me…" he feared her rejection but he had to know her answer, even if that would be painful for him. "I'll leave and you don't have to see me again. After these five days I can't have only a half of you. Whatever decision you make I'll respect that and after I'm done with our enemy I'll step aside and let you live your own life- without me. But before you say anything you must know, if that isn't obvious for now, I love you more than anything in this life and I'm afraid there's no description which could perfectly phrase my love and affection toward you, sweetheart."

She was so dead and gone to heaven. It was the most gorgeous declaration which she had ever heard from a man. How could he possibly assume that she would let him get away from her after everything?

Before she could have said anything Dembe knocked on the opened bedroom door and spoke quietly in his low but calming tone.

"Raymond, we should move quickly before somebody could realize that we're here." as he stepped closer Dembe saw who had been held by his boss and a sudden relief ran through his face. "I'm glad to see you again, Liz." he smiled and went out.

"Where are you two going?" Liz asked still caressing him wherever she could reach him.

Red turned back to her with a disappointed sight; he knew he wouldn't get his answer now because they really should have been moving fast.

"We have to disappear for a while. Lottie hasn't found out that I'm alive but he definitely knows that you didn't die. I'm surprised he hasn't made any effort to find you already. And under 'we' I referred to Dembe, me and you."

"What about the FBI?" she didn't want to protest; she would follow him to the end of the world but also she knew that in her state she shouldn't have made serious decisions like giving up her job and becoming a hunted woman.

"I talked with Cooper yesterday and he told me they were also searching for you and we agreed if I find you I'll give him a call. I also told him that I'll disappear with you for a while until Lottie's dead and of course he protested as the head of the FBI. But as a man who knows how this system works he said that they won't search for us either. The choice is yours but I want you to come with me."

"Let's go." she whispered and kissed him. The kiss was slow and gentle; Liz tried to memorize every bit of him. She rolled him to his back and deepened the kiss but this time she didn't want anything than to kiss him until she didn't feel any oxygen in her lungs.

Red grabbed her waist with his right hand and caressed her back with the left, he held her tight. After an eternity she put her hand on his chest and smiled at him.

"Let's get out of here." she whispered and stood up from the bed. Quickly she put on her pants but she left Red's shirt on her and grabbed her things while Red picked up his own necessary items.

Ten minutes later they were in the car. They were like young lovers; none of them could keep their hands off of the other's body. Liz wanted to know where they were going but suddenly she felt herself really exhausted; she lay down and put her head to his lap then he started stroking her hair, silently lulling her but he fell asleep faster than Liz.

_Close your eyes and drift in dream  
>Rest in peaceful sleep<em>

###

It was five in the morning when they arrived at their destination. Liz was woken by gentle kisses on her cheek.

"Wake up beautiful, we're here." Red whispered. She slowly stepped out of the car still feeling tired. Sleeping in a moving car was anything but relaxing and she could tell it wasn't enough for Red either; the dark circles under his eyes told her that he hadn't slept much more than her these days.

"If you don't mind sweetheart, I'll show you the house tomorrow. Right now all I want is a freshening bath and warm bed. And you, next to me." he smiled and kissed her knuckles. It was unbelievable how he could still make her blush with a simple look.

After Red navigated her to the bedroom he excused himself to speak with Dembe. The room was simple but beautiful; the warm wood walls were sanded and covered in a diluted wash, the fabrics were in natural, muted tones, and all the colors she saw in the view – whites, grays, and blues, a bit of pale pink. Simple but beautiful. indeed.

"_White bed linens look fresher when they're paired with wood_." Liz thought. She sat down for a moment and thought how she could have answered to Red; of course she loved him but she didn't want to say it like a 'good night, oh, and love you hon'. No. She had to give him a full declaration with all of her senses.

"_Making love? No, we're tired and it's such a cliché, moaning restlessly to his ear. Maybe next time" _she smirked then went to the bathroom to wash her face with cold water.

Just like she expected; the beauty of small but cozy bathroom adjusted to the style of the bedroom. Artful brick cube walls stood between the large bathtub which set in wooden walk-up platform with beige marble countertops, toilet, and vanity spaces. The light-brown wooden floor perfectly contrasted the light-beige walls. It was so intimate, so lush.

A great idea entered her mind and Liz opened the tap. She dressed down and slipped into the red silk bathrobe which hung on the door. As the bathtub started filling with water Liz was looking for some special things in the drawers – luckily she found the necessary items; herbal oils and candles. She lit a few candles and placed them at the foot of the tub. When she closed the tap she mentally patted her shoulder; yes, she had done a pretty good foam-bath.

"Lizzie?" Red knocked on the door. As carefully as she could she opened the door and closed it immediately behind her so he didn't see anything. He stood in front of her with his mischievous smile but also she witnessed something new. She had never seen him so tired, so vulnerable in her presence. His vulnerable heart gave power to her, yet it scared Liz; she had to be cautious not to break his already damaged heart. "What are you doing?"

"I want to show you something." she said with bright eyes. How he loved when she was as excited as that moment! She looked like a little girl who wants to show her draws. She slowly released his tie and placed in front of his eyes then knotted behind the back of his head. "Don't worry; you don't have to do anything." she opened the door and lead him next to the bath. Liz stood on her toes and whispered into his ear. "Just let me take care of you."

Red felt the sweet lavender scent in the air and sensed the hotness in the room.

"_She made me a bathwater?" _that was his last rational thought because Red felt her silk fingers undoing the buttons on his shirt slowly, one by one. When the shirt was gone Liz let the tips of her fingers roam around his torso, leaving goose bumps behind them. Shortly her lips joined to the group and danced on his skin leaving wet marks across. After a while her fingers found the belt and unfastened it then Liz unzipped the pants. As her hands pushed the pants down on his muscular thighs she lowered her lip to his belly and kissed him there passionately then slowly she kneeled in front of him and continued her trip with her mouth to his thigh as her hands massaged his calves; right leg first then the left.

Red felt his heart beating faster and faster but this time it wasn't driven by the wild sexual heat; it was by the loving touches she was giving to him and Red clearly felt that sex wasn't her intention tonight either. Not in a physical way. It was something stronger; their souls were going to make love.

When she pulled down his boxers and his proud manhood was eye-level with her, she felt that the she-devil was stirring in her and wanted to arouse him immediately but she shook her head and stood up quickly. Liz wanted to show him her love in a more tantric way. She slowly turned him around and before she released the tie she had kissed every inch on his back. When the tie was gone he blinked slowly and turned around to see his beautiful woman. Red leaned down and kissed her slowly and sensually, gently sucking her lower lip.

"Get into the tub" she whispered against his lips. He smirked and he obeyed. The temperature of the water was absolutely perfect. When Lizzie didn't join he was about to turn around to take a look at her but then he felt her beautiful legs sliding into the water right next to his upper arms.

Lizzie sat on the countertops and put some eucalyptus oil into her palms then cautiously but firmly she started kneading his shoulders. Her thumbs drew circles above the hardened muscles and she felt him relaxing under her ministration.

"The eucalyptus is helping to relax the tired muscles. You know, the orientalists say that eucalyptus can assist in walking in the dream world. It alerts us to the importance of our dreams. It clarifies dreams and balances emotions." she spoke quietly and rubbed the nape of his neck, never ignoring his hums. He lowered his head so she could massage the entire length of the back of his neck then after a minute she rubbed his temple. "For example when you have this strange dream about a man who starts a sexual relationship with you but right after the first time…" she stopped for a moment and pushed his back a little, she lowered herself into the tub and pulled his chest back so he was practically wrapped by her. Liz caressed his chest that she loved the most while her other hand held the left side of his face. She pressed her lips against his ear and continued telling the story.

"You start feel something but it scares you because you know he doesn't have any romantic intention. But then it turns out that he actually has and he wants to sleep next to you. Most women would jump out of their skin and happily stay for the night. But you're not a 'normal' species of woman. You have to hesitate. You have to go home and you have to lay awake in bed. Alone. But thankfully you have a glass of water mixed with eucalypt oil at your nightstand which clears your mind so you decide; you'll meet with him and tell him the truth but you can't because…" she tightened her arms around him. "Have you ever loved someone such intensity which was almost painfully and embarrassing but wonderful and addictive at the same time?" she asked him and she felt his rapid heartbeat against his palm, his slight shuddering and felt her own emotions grow ever more. "Because this is how much I love you, Raymond." she whispered into his ear.

It didn't happen too much in his life but now Raymond was a speechless, but certainly the happiest man in the world. The love of his life had just declared that she felt the same! During the trip to here he had been thinking about how he should live with the rejection that she was going to give him because after what had happened in the bedroom he still couldn't believe in his luck. But for now all of his dubiety faded away. Slowly he turned around and rested himself on his palm, next to her hips while the other took her cheek and he kissed her. That kiss tasted like the very first; those thrilling little things danced between their lips and his heart pounded heavily. He wasn't in hurry he wanted to memorize her again and again.

Lizzie cupped the back of his head and pulled him as close as it was physically possible. This overwhelmed joy brought tears to her eyes and a nasty teardrop shamelessly ran across her face. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers as his thumb wiped the wetness away.

"When I thought I had lost you…" she whispered.

"But you didn't. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Sorry sweetheart but I'm afraid you can't escape from me anymore." he smiled and eased her mood.

"I don't want to anymore." she gave him a short kiss but then a sudden shiver ran down on her spine. When she met with his questioning eyes she laughed. "I'm just tired and when I'm tired I'm freezing."

"Then let's go to bed." he got out of the tub and helped her as well. He wrapped a warm and fluffy towel around her; this time he was the one that caressed her with kisses and touches. He gave her one of his boxers and shirt as he slipped into his own underwear then all of sudden he stepped closer; Red lifted her in bridal position and took her down on the bed. As he lay down next to her and placed his hand around her waist their noises were brushing a bit so she took this advantage and kissed him properly before she put her head to his neck and inhaled his sweet scent while her hand rested on his chest and her legs were lazily thrown around his left leg.

_Oh my love... in my arms tight  
>Every day you give me life<br>As I drift off to your world  
>Rest in peaceful sleep<em>

"Good night." she whispered and kissed his neck.

"Good night, sweetheart."

Both Lizzie and Red felt that this night would be followed by their brand new dawn.

**To be continued…**

**Please leave a review for me and tell me, what you think! (:**


	8. Chapter 8

**I can't tell how much I appreciate your reviews! :) This time the smut moments return, I hope you will like this chapter.**

**I don't own anything!**

**8. Feeling good**

Lizzie woke up first later in the morning; she was lying on her belly facing to the window. For a few seconds she could live in that happy emptiness where she didn't remember anything, her mind was foggy from the sleep but then the thoughts started working and a complete traffic jam was in her head because of the nasty and unsettled thoughts.

Suddenly every memory came to visit her in this floating statement and only her soul could separate them as good and bad, wonderful and horrific. Everything was in front of her; the past five months, the past five days, the past five hours. She smiled and took a deep breath, preparing herself to the awe-inspiring sight; because she knew if she turned around she would see her man sleeping next to her. But she waited for a few second and drowned into sweet anticipation when finally she slowly twisted her body and saw one of the most beautiful wonders.

He was lying on his back, arms next to him while the blanket hardly covered him at his belly. He wasn't perfect. He had imperfections – scars, little tubby, soft snoring. But he was just simply the human art-piece itself. She rarely had time to admire him without got caught so she took her time on him.

His face was much relaxed than five hours before but she still saw the heavy circles around his eyes. His lips slightly parted which screamed for kissing them but she didn't. Not yet. The pillow was little so his throat arched a bit as he lay; she clearly saw his Adam's apple and that lovely little swale which the medical science called _jugular notch. _Liz shook her head at the mere thought of name this endearing creature on human body such a cold way. From there little salt and pepper hairs led her eyes to his chest; it was mesmerizing how the morning light broke on the surface of the skin and hairs…as his belly rise and fell…one moment later Liz caught herself in the deep desire.

Last night she hadn't let the she-devil in her came into the surface but now this beast drove her closer. Her pupils now delated, her breaths quickened; a complete smorgasbord was lying in front of her and she couldn't decide where to start.

She licked her lips and tasted her favourite swale while her fingers ran through his sideburn down to his neck. The next destination was his chest as she treated his skin with open-mouthed kisses and breathed-in the lavender, mixed with that masculine and unmistakably Red-scent.

When Liz was at his belly she could tell by the deep breaths that he started waking up but this wasn't enough so she continued her trip on his body.

"Mmm…Lizzie…" Red groaned, still half asleep as she kissed him through the boxers and grinned as he responded almost immediately but, again, she wanted more. First she freed herself from her own underwear then with agonizing slowness she slipped his boxer down and took his hardening cock into her mouth, sucking it sensually.

"God…" he breathed wide awake as he thrust his hips up but Liz was faster and held him in place. She continued until she felt him hot and hard – and a little bit longer. Then Liz lifted her head and sneaked up to kiss him as she rubbed herself against him. Their lips touched when suddenly she sat up on his belly avoiding his throbbing groin.

"I think I'm going to make some coffee for myself." she said, patting his chest playfully then wanted to get up but Red's reflexes were faster and held her thighs.

"Kiddin', right?" he asked her with disbelief.

"Why?" she asked innocently.

"I think we have some…work to do." he smirked with his predatory gaze.

"Really? Business in the morning?" she played dumb while her hands couldn't stop caressing his torso.

"Oh, yes, I always love starting the day with…" he slipped his hand up on her thigh and soon his thumb found her clit "business." and started circling around. She threw her head back and moaned softly.

God, it always turned her on when he behaved like this; his voice, his smug gaze, those talented hands…the devil himself laid between her legs and he had no idea how much power he gave to her.

"Really?" she breathed while slowly she undid her buttons and parted the shirt a bit so the features of her breasts were visible but she knew it wasn't enough for Red.

How she loved teasing him!

Liz clearly saw how the hungry eyes wanted to rip off the shirt, also he didn't do anything because he wanted her to take the next step and she did it happily; with a devilish smile she closed her eyes and slipped her left hand under the shirt and kneaded her right breast the way that drove him crazy. As she expected it was the last push on him and Red totally lost the control. A blink of an eye and she found herself under him, wrists above her head.

"You're quiet naughty this morning, my dear." he groaned into her ear.

"Then you should spank me." she whispered seductively.

One more push on him and he almost buried himself deep in her, the way she wouldn't have liked. Here was this beautiful woman under him, desperate for his touch, for his love…what hot blooded male couldn't lose his mind?

"Mmm, you'd like that, huh? But I don't think Dembe would appreciate your loving screams." murmured against her nipple and sucked it little harder.

"I can be really quie…aahhhw." she gasped as he pushed only the head into her without any warn and withdrew.

"What was that? Something you'd like to share?" he grinned mischievously as he rubbed his cock against her clit.

"Pleeeease…" now she was the one who lost the upper hand. She pressed herself tight against him and clenched her legs around his waist.

"Please what? Want some coffee? Or something else?" he continued the sweet torture while the only thing she could do was nodding violently.

"Tell me Lizzie..." he dropped his voice an octave lower, just as she loved. "What do you want?"

"You!" she breathed but he only could hear was a confused 'yyyyyhhh'.

"Yyyhhh? What is that Lizzie?" he chuckled throatily while he collected his power to continue this torture because he wouldn't last long either.

"Sonofabitch" she cried out as he repeated his earlier movements and left her again.

"It's my middle name." he smirked again. "So what do you want, Agent Keen?"

She took a deep breath and whispered into the heated air.

"You."

"What do you want me to do?" he leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss to her swollen lips then she opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Love me."

He expected something dirty, like _'fuck me'_ or _'ravish me'_ but his sweet Lizzie never ceased to amaze him. The sudden change of tension took him aback but a second later as his heart melted he slipped home and held her still for a minute.

"I already love you." he whispered and clenched their fingers as he started moving slowly and kissed her sensually.

It wasn't their first time together but somehow it seemed so; this time not just their bodies but their souls united and held each other. For a first time they let their hearts shouting all the feelings and emotions into the air - and it was a wonderful experience for them.

He kept this slow pace as long as he could and when her moans were more frequent and more vocal he pumped faster and they fell apart together.

"I love you too." she whispered with overwhelmed tone and hugged him tight, enjoying the warmth of his body.

After a minute or two he rolled down next to her but didn't intend to release her completely so Red pulled Liz against him then she rested her head against his chest. A few minutes later they fell asleep.

###

When she woke up later Red was nowhere to be found. Liz put on her panties then fastened the buttons on her shirt and went to the kitchen. Thankfully the house was not too big so she easily found it where Red was leaning against the kitchen counter with a mug and newspaper in his hands. He was wearing grey dress pants with white shirt and grey vest, sleeves rolled up. She leaned against the doorframe for a moment and folded her arms in front of her chest.

"Do you want to stare me all day or can I get a good morning kiss?" he asked without looking up.

She rolled her eyes while couldn't stop grinning and approached him. She stood on her toes to give him a kiss but when their lips almost touched she simple took the mug from his hand and stepped next to him, smirking.

"Nice." he murmured and poured an other mug of coffee for himself.

"Where is Dembe?"

"He went to the airport to pick up Mr. Kaplan. She may help us to find that bastard."

"Sooo…we're alone…" she sighed and looked around dramatically. "All alone…no one around here…"

He chuckled and put down the newspaper then Red boxed her with his hands against the kitchen counter.

"Are you that horny every morning or just today?" he smiled and nibbled her neck up to her ear.

"It's afternoon and what can I say…my needs have been neglected since last week." she turned to his lips and sucked his lower lip into her mouth "So when we'll find the man who did this to us I think I'll play interrogation with him." she whispered and kissed him properly. When Red undid the four buttons on her shirt the door opened and Mr. Kaplan stormed into the living room which was in the same area with the kitchen.

She didn't notice them at first because she was too busy to put down her bags to the couch so Liz had enough time to fasten her buttons while Red stood in front of her to cover her bare chest.

"I don't want to interrupt the romantic scene but you should send your lady friend home, dearie." Mr. Kaplan said to Red like a mother who had just caught his teenage son with his girlfriend on the couch.

Red stepped aside Mr. Kaplan looked at Liz who couldn't stop the blushing and stared the floor but Red witnessed the sudden relief which ran through the older lady's face.

"Thank God!" Mr. Kaplan said and Lizzie raised her eyes to the older woman "I already thought…you two have been just dancing around each other for months…" when Mr. Kaplan realized what she had just said she cleared her throat and stopped talking.

Raymond chuckled at the old woman and turned to Lizzie.

"You should put on some clothes; Dembe brought some to you in the morning. We'll wait here for you."

"Do you want me to join?" she arched her brow.

"You said you…" he started explaining but she grabbed his upper arm and smiled at him.

"It wasn't a reproach…I'm just surprised that you don't want to shut me out. Give me five minutes and I'll be here." with that she went to the bedroom.

###

Two hours and three pizzas later they found out that Francesco Lottie owned one of the biggest companies which had been ruined when they had caught The Broker from the Blacklist and now Francesco wanted his revenge; to destroy their life as they had destroyed his.

"We have to find out where he is before his associates find us." Red said.

"We could tell to Cooper too, maybe our sources will help with some information."

"You should call Manzoni." when Red rolled his eyes Mr. Kaplan protested. "I know you don't like him but he's really talented and you have to find Lottie as soon as possible."

"I'll make a few calls. Dembe will take you to the town, I booked a nice room for you." he stood up and hugged Mr. Kaplan.

"Thank you, dearie." when Red went to the bedroom Mr. Kaplan turned to Liz and smiled at her. "I know it's not my business but I'm really happy that you finally see the real Raymond behind the criminal. He's a good man who made bad decisions in his life but he deserves the happiness and I hope you know it because I really don't want to see him miserable or heartbroken again." Liz was about to say something when Mr. Kaplan continued. "And I would also hate to kill you." she said like they would have been talking about the weather. "I'll see you tomorrow." she patted Liz's hand and left her there.

Liz couldn't decide what to do; laugh or take it as a serious threat? She was still lost in her thoughts when Red returned and sat next to her.

"What?"

"I think Mr. Kaplan just threatened me." she chuckled. "She said she would kill me if I break your heart."

"Please, forgive her. We're really close to each other and sometimes she just treats me like I'd be his son and I let her. In my personal life, of course."

"No, no. It was quiet adorable." she smiled.

"I talked with Harold and the task force will help but Manzoni is dead so for now our only hope is the FBI. Aram is trying to locate Lottie."

"Looks like we can't do anything today." she sighed.

"No. The whole evening is ours, so…" he lowered his voice and caressed her neck with his index finger. "We could go and buy something for dinner and watch a movie. What do you think?"

"Mmm, that would be the best." she smiled and kissed him lovingly. "But Dembe took the car."

"Not to worry, there is a small grocery store, fifteen minutes with walk." he said still concentrating on her soft lips.

"Okay, let's go." she picked up her coat and Red opened the door for her with a predatory gaze then he followed her.

Five minutes heavy silent later the door burst open as Red carried Lizzie in his arms, her legs clenched around his waist.

"Food can wait." he murmured and pressed his mouth against her lips as he took her to the bedroom.

…

They didn't know that their enemy was closer than they had thought…

**To be continued…**

**Sooo what do you think? (:**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you all the reviews and sorry for not answering to them but my RL was a bit complicated in the past days. This chapter contains violence and fluff so be aware! There'll be a song **_**In the woods somewhere **_**by **_**Hozier.**_

**Merry Christmas! :)  
><strong>

**I don't own anything.**

**9. Blood and honey**

"Are you sure you want this, sweetheart?" Red asked, aware every tiny reaction of her body language.

"This is the only way I can save you." she smiled at him and touched his cheek.

"I don't want you to do this because I might…" he protested but she cut him with a simple, lingering kiss on his lips.

"Red, I don't believe in…_this _anymore maybe I never did. But I know one thing; I love you and I don't want to lose you."

"People will judge"

"I know"

"You career could be destroyed by this."

"I_ know"_

"If we do this, there will be no turning back." he warned her again.

"Red…"

"We shouldn't do this…I put you in grave danger." he murmured.

"I'm already in grave danger." she chuckled.

"I don't deserve you." he said with a sad smile but happy eyes.

"Oh, no you don't." she laughed and took a deep breath. "Shall we get started?"

Red kissed her forehead and with clenched fingers they stepped in…

…_**Three days earlier…**_

Hard smash on the head. Scream. Unconsciousness.

_Our head was warm,  
>My skin was soaked.<br>I called your name 'til the fever broke._

When I awoke  
>The moon still hung.<br>The night so black that the darkness hummed

It was dark and his head pounded like hell. The night slowly entered to the valley; the contour of the woods, which usually gave him some kind of peace and blissful calm, now frightened him even through the windows. He had just realized that he was lying on the floor, in the middle of the bedroom.

However his body refused every movements and his brain cried out in pain he helped himself up and leaned against the wall. Red felt as a wet thing made small torrent down on his temper. He was bleeding. He felt dizzy and light-headed, very close to throw up. He took deep breaths until the dizziness faded a bit and tried to concentrate on what had happened.

_I raised myself.  
>My legs were weak.<br>I prayed my mind be good to me._

Some memory came up with confused pictures about a silent noise as the front door had opened…as a hard object had hit his skull while he had been kissing his woman. He still remembered the soft lips on his. _Her_ lips.

_Lizzie. _

His heartbeat quickened and desperately looked around; no one was there with him.

"Elizabeth!" his voice was small but raw. He staggered toward the door and went out. The chilly winter air enveloped his body and shivered immediately because he only wore his three piece suit without the jacket but he didn't really care until he found Lizzie.

"Elizabeth!" he yelled as much as his lungs and throbbing head allowed but she didn't appear. After a minute or two he heard a quiet whimpering from the car. Red didn't even remember when Dembe had returned. He went to the car where he saw Dembe lying silently as his blood colored the fresh white snow around him. He had been hit with a sharp thing at his lower belly, on the left side.

"Dembe, what happened?" he asked silently as he crouched next to his friend.

"Lottie." he whispered. He was so tired and the only thing he wanted was sleeping.

"Where is Lizzie?" the knot in his throat tightened as he saw that Dembe was shuddering; his vital and strong body started giving up the fight as less and less blood remained in him.

"Took her… Can't help… sorry." Dembe whispered and licked his lips.

"No, no, it's not your fault." Red hushed him and reached out the phone from Dembe's pocket then he dialed Cooper. "Harold I need you to listen to me. Lottie found us. Tell Aram to locate this phone and send the local ambulance as soon as possible. Dembe lost a lot of blood and Lizzie is kidnapped."

_An awful noise  
>Filled the air.<br>I heard a scream in the woods somewhere.  
><em>

At that moment the silent night filled with a painful '_NO!'_.

"Lizzie…" Red murmured as he looked toward the source of the scream. He turned back to Dembe and hesitated for a moment; he couldn't leave him there alone but it took minutes while the paramedics would arrive and maybe during the time that psychopath would kill Lizzie.

"Go. She needs you." Dembe whispered.

Red lifted the phone to his ear again and thankfully Cooper was still there.

"Harold, please, hurry."

"_Will do" _One thing among others which Red liked in Cooper was that he never argued when it was emergency. Red dropped the phone next to Dembe and he stood up.

_A woman's voice!  
>I quickly ran<br>Into the trees with empty hands._

His dear Lizzie yelled again; Red could tell that she was angry and she was in pain. Now his physical system didn't care about his wound because it got the necessary adrenaline rush and Red ran into the woods. It was full moon and the snow did its wonderful job; show the trails and with the reflection, created a small light so Red could see the features of everything. The first parts of the trails were messy because the bastard must have dragged Liz on the ground.

_Fresh adrenalin rush because of the anger._

Red always knew that a psychopath was in him too and he knew one day it would burst out; this night he would let the animal drive him. He had been running for minutes when he stopped and listened carefully; small voices and colorful words. They could have been in front of him, maybe hundred meters away. He hunched and carefully approached them. They were at a small glade and Lizzie was tied up against a tree. Lottie kneeled in front of her while she desperately tried to kick him. She only wore an opened blouse with jeans and boots; Red could see her white bra and something dark which crossed her torso.

"Scream again, darling. I want our dear friend to hear your screams." Lottie laughed and knotted the rope at her ankles.

"Let me go you son of a bitch or…" she shouted but Lottie slapped her. It looked like Lottie hadn't hurt her yet.

"Or what? Do you kill me?" he laughed again and turned around to put down something on a log. Red had to be careful because one wrong move and Lottie would notice his presence in the bushes. Lottie opened the item and the steels of knives shined in the moonlight. Red had to think and create a plan as fast as he could.

"You know, I never liked the guns; it's such a boring thing. Bam and you die. Simple and fast. But the knives…it's another story. Torturing a human being with a knife is a complete art piece." Lottie picked up a knife and let the moonlight caress it for a moment then he turned around and approached Lizzie again. "You shouldn't have destroyed my life. You and those Musketeers at the FBI...and Reddington. It'll be pleasure to kill him after I drag him here and show him your little tatters. Or maybe I let you live a little until he shows up and then I'll kill you. What do you think, darling?" his voice was calm and he was collected. The only evidence of his sociopath self was how he spoke about torture and murder.

"Go to hell" she hissed.

"I'm going to. I think I have an already reserved suit there." he laughed again. "But only after you, my darling." and raised his hand to attack her with the knife when Lottie heard as a bough silently crackled under someone's weight behind him. He turned around and attacked Red but he wasn't lucky because Red was faster and slipped out from the way of the knife and hit Lottie's nose with his fist.

Lottie fell down and kicked Red's ankles so he fell down as well. Red hit his already wounded head and Lottie took advantage of the situation; swiftly he straddled Red's waist and smashed his knife down. Luckily it landed next to Red's head and at the second smash Red stopped Lottie's hand with his. The edge of the knife was close to Red's chest.

Raymond twisted the knife from his palm and a second later Lottie was under him. Red reached for the knife. Lottie protested but he was weaker and the knife slowly ended his life. Raymond collapsed next to Lottie and slipped into the dark again.

###

Two hours later Lizzie was in the house again, with blanket around her shoulder and a mug of hot tea in her hands. Everybody was running back and forth outside; the FBI, the local policemen, paramedics and coroners.

The shock was slowly faded but she still couldn't stop the shivers. She felt the same when the Stewmaker had tortured her. It had been Red who had saved her like he did it again and he almost paid with his life. He was lying in the bed, still unconscious. Luckily the wound on his head wasn't that bad but he needed an X-ray so now they had been waiting for the ambulance which had taken Dembe to the nearest hospital to return and took them as well.

She just sat next to the bed and watched him. Her heart almost fell apart when she realized that tonight she almost lost him again. She wanted to touch him, to lie down close to him but she couldn't because a gentle caress would have told the others about their relationship. So she just continued watching him.

A gentle squeeze on her shoulder interrupted her confused thoughts.

"Agent Keen, are you all right?" Cooper asked and sat next to her.

Stupid question, both of them knew.

"I'll be as soon as I get home and took a bath." she tried smiling at him but it was more a grimace.

"What did they say about Reddington?"

"The doctor said that he would be all right. He needs some rest." she tried to hide her emotions.

"Agent Ressler had caught Lottie's associates but he escaped somehow. We tried to call you and Red but it was late. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's over now."

"Unfortunately, no." Cooper whispered and Liz furrowed her brows.

"What?"

"Looks like Walter Martin caught Red. He committed a crime."

"It was self-defense!" she hissed. She knew it wasn't because Lottie had been unarmed so it wasn't necessary to kill him but hell; she would have killed him too!

"Would you turn this evidence against the coroner's report?"

"I'll refuse the testimony."

"You can't do that." he said with matter-of-fact.

"I don't care! He saved my life and if he hadn't showed up I would have been in that black bag in pieces instead of Lottie!" she tried to hold her voice low – Cooper was her boss after all.

"You're right. Walter would do anything to become senator and it would be a grand help if he could catch a most wanted criminal like Raymond Reddington. I called my wife after I figured this out. As you know she's a lawyer and I asked for an advice. Reddington is not a good person but after what he did to us, to the FBI he doesn't deserve the jail either. There's a way we could save him. Before the police arrived you had freed yourself, am I right?"

"Yes."

"So you'll be a suspect too."

"A suspect?!"

"It's a good news, believe me."

And he spoke as quiet as he could. He told his plan and Liz was flabbergasted.

"I know it's a big request, even from Red but if you want to save him, It's the only way. And regarding your, let's say _special_ relationship with him…"

"What do you mean under…"

"Agent Keen, please. I'm not stupid and I have eyes." he smiled but it didn't help to ease her nerves.

"Since when?" she asked quietly.

"Three months ago. I left something in my office and when I came back at the evening I saw you kissing him on the lips in the elevator. From there I started watching your cases, every business on the computers, even the reports you made. But I found nothing; you continued your job like before and so did Red. Somehow it was a predictable movement. It meant no harm and your personal life is not my business."

She really didn't know what to say but a great relief ran through her because she had been afraid that she would lose her job if they were find out her relationship with Red.

"As I said the choice is yours. But you have to make it fast." Cooper said.

"I talk with Red and if he agrees we'll do this. Thank you, sir." a happy teardrop left her eye while all she wanted to do was hug her boss but she refused the urge.

Cooper nodded and stood up. He was at the door when he spoke again.

"This conversation never happened." he said and Liz turned around.

"What conversation?" she smiled.

###

The following day Red slowly opened his eyes; he wasn't in the woods anymore and wasn't lying on the cold blanket of snow either. Soon he realized that he was in a hospital room and something was in his hand. He slowly turned his still throbbing head toward his palm and sighed in relief; he found her hand.

"Hey." she smiled at him and kissed his temple.

"Hey." he whispered and coughed a bit. Liz gave him some water and helped him lie back.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was hit by a bus. Three times." he murmured. "Dembe?"

"He is alive. He had a terrible night but he'll get well."

"What about you?"

"I'm fine. Tired, but fine." she kissed him again while she tried not to cry.

He lazily looked around and his eyes caught the two agents at his door.

"Am I under arrest?"

"Both of us. We're suspects of murdering Lottie. The evidences are against us."

"We have to leave as soon as possible." he tried to sit but she held back gently.

"We don't have to. There is a grey area at the law which can help us but there's something we have to do."

"I'm listening."

###

_Three days later they could slip out from the hospital and went to one of Red's 'friend' who would help them._

"_I don't deserve you." he said with a sad smile but happy eyes._

"_Oh, no you don't." she laughed and took a deep breath. "Shall we get started?"_

_Red kissed her forehead and with clenched fingers they stepped in…_

###

They stood next to each other when the judge came in to the court room but their lawyer hadn't arrived yet. Thankfully the media wasn't there; they would get to know after the trial.

"Good morning everyone." the judge was a woman in her late forties. She started to read the documents when somebody entered the courtroom with big bravado.

"Sorry, I'm late you Honor. If I had known that you'll be the judge I would have hurried." the man took a predatory gaze on the judge then turned to Red and Lizzie.

Liz nearly dropped her jaw when she saw their lawyer.

"You must be Elizabeth." he used his charm at her too and Liz couldn't help but slightly blushed as he kissed her knuckles. "I heard about you but the reality is much more…." he took a deep breath and let his eyes wandering on her for a moment. "Better." he smiled at her then he turned to Red. "Looks like you're in trouble again." when Red wanted to answer the judge interrupted them.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Alan Shore."

While Alan spoke to the judge Liz leaned to Red.

"Is he…"

"Yes." he interrupted. "He's my brother." They had had a long night at the hospital when Red had asked her to call Alan and after that Red had told everything; Alan had changed his name after Raymond had become a wanted criminal. Their relationship had never been the best but when one of them had been in trouble, they helped each other.

"You Honor, before we start this beautiful morning with a difficult case I give you my client's request."

"What is it say?"

"They keep each other from testifying against them."

"In what legal basis?"

"Spousal testimonial privilege." Alan said and the other lawyer jumped from his seat.

"Objection!"

"Here is their document about the registration of marriage which happened two days earlier than the crime."

Red's 'friend' was a priest and they had got married; it hadn't been a big ceremony but both Red and Liz had felt it had been one of the best days of their life. Their rings had been the same which they had used at the undercover; Red had kept them in the hope that someday he would give her again and she would want to keep it forever. That day had come but unfortunately they had had to cancel their honeymoon.

The judge took a look on it and turned to the other lawyer.

"Objection denied. We'll continue this tomorrow afternoon." she stood up and left.

Tomorrow would bring the trial of the century…

**To be continued….**

Well, I was a bit afraid of this chapter so now I really need to know what you think about this. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, this chapter wasn't planned but when I re-read the previous one this morning, it was like 'WTF? What did I want to say with that?' and 'OMG what have I done?' So, here's a short explanation why Red and Lizzie got married instead of running away.**

**Love you guys! :)**

**(Still don't own anything…)**

**10. Family**

Alan was standing on the balcony of his hotel room with the company of scotch and cigar. He had just ended his daily routine with Denny, however this time they had spoken on skype because Denny had a serious political case so he had to stay in Boston.

Alan stared the restless city, watching, without seeing. His thoughts were elsewhere; he just couldn't escape from the curiosity of his big brother's intention. Raymond had always been a full mystery for him and if they weren't look like this similar Alan would say that he had been adopted.

What did his brother want from this girl? Why didn't he run away like he had always done? Why was she so special?

He had to know because he couldn't represent someone without knowing his intentions.

###

The judge placed Red and Lizzie under house arrest in separate hotel rooms so he could speak with Red without the girl's presence.

During the drive he couldn't stop thinking about her either. She was such a beautiful and hot woman, she must have been smart – she was an FBI profiler after all. How had she ended up as Concierge of Crime's wife? She was so young for his brother and she could have got men to each fingers. Was it just a role? Or did she really love him?

###

After the agents got through his pockets, Alan stepped into the room; his brother was sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Raymond, we need to talk." Alan said with a matter-of-fact and went to the balcony. He knew the rooms had a bunch of bugs so the noisy balcony could help.

Red followed him two minutes later with two glasses in his hands. They stood next to each other for minutes when Alan asked Red without looking at him.

"Why didn't you run away?"

Red took a deep breath and put his thoughts in order. Maybe his relationship with Alan had never been the best but they had been honest with each other. Always. Maybe that was the source of their not-so-ordinary relationship.

"I'm tired of running, Alan." Red's voice was small but strong. "And I couldn't leave her either."

"She could have run away with you."

"No. I already destroyed her life and her career at the FBI is the only one she has. It would kill her if she'd lose it."

"It has a chance. I don't think the FBI wants an agent who married to a criminal." Alan said sarcastically.

"Maybe not, but what you don't know that I have an arrangement with them; I give them the bad guys but I speak only with her. And before you ask; it was before we started the affair."

"So is it just an affair?"

"It used to be but…she just…" Red rubbed the nape of his neck. "We started it with the 'just-sex-nothing-further' but I couldn't help…"

"Do you love her?" now Alan looked right into his brother's eyes; all he saw was that funny glint which told him the truth.

"More than anything in this world." A small smile appeared at the corner of Red's mouth.

"Why is she so special? However I never understood this 'love thing' but the emotion itself wouldn't be enough ever for you. I mean, you're risking your freedom for her… what makes her special?"

"Have you ever felt that eternal calmness and blissful peace when a woman closes her arms around you at night?"

"You found the…"

"Home." Red interrupted. "I feel like I arrive at home whenever she's close to me. I did many horrible things in her presence with others and with her too and yet…she sees the man behind the monster. The man who I thought was dead. She touches me, kisses me, or even smiles at me and I feel like a person again, and not a monster."

"It's not your fault that you have to hide yourself behind a monster, Raymond." Alan finished his drink and put the glass down. "I believe that what you did in the past, it happened with reason. I'm sure you also had the reason why you hadn't said good bye to me before you disappeared."

"Alan…"

"I spoke with Elizabeth's boss" he avoided that conversation; he wasn't in the mood tonight. "He made an arrangement so you won't be charged with other than this suicide and he got the authorization from his bosses. To protect you as a valuable asset and Elizabeth as a federal agent, your case stays in the federal court and the media won't know about this if we win."

"And if we lose?"

"We won't. Goodnight, Raymond."

"Night, Alan."

###

_Now, round two; Alan vs. Elizabeth_, he thought and knocked on her door.

"Mr. Shore?" she asked with sleepy eyes.

"I do apologize for disturbing your beauty sleep but we need to talk."

"Come in, then."

He took a seat on the armchair, in front of Liz who sat on the couch in a big white bathrobe. Even with her messy hair and pale face, she was a desirable woman in Alan's eyes.

"We have to think about that testimony."

"_We?_" now Liz was wide awake.

"Yes, you and me. Together."

"I'm listening, Mr. Shore."

"Please, call me Alan- we're relatives, now." he smiled at her.

"Okay, Alan."

Alan stared her for a minute while he figured out how he could get the answer without asking it straight. He wanted to test her real feelings and her mind too.

"If you make a testimony against Raymond, you'll have a bigger chance that the jury will find you innocent. "

"No!" she jumped for her seat and started walking back and forth; here was this man, _Red's brother, _and he asked her to betray Red? How dared he? "You're his lawyer too, how could you tell this to me?!"

"Elizabeth, listen to me…"

"No! I won't do that. He is my husband!"

"If I knew well, Tom Keen was also your husband and he was a criminal too."

"It's different. Tom didn't love me – Red does."

"How can you know that?"

She rested herself on her hands, at the back of the couch and spoke again with dangerously quiet but also cold tone.

"He risks his life for me. He could have run away but he didn't."

"You also risk your life." Alan said simply. "Why?" before Liz could say again _'he loves me'_ Alan raised his index finger to stop her. "Yeah, you two are in love like mad. I get it. But I need to know that if it isn't just a trick from the FBI to send him jail."

It was reasonable doubt, Liz admitted. She grabbed a paper and pen then started writing to trick the bugs in her room. She wrote down the circumstances of their marriage because she knew that would be a pretty good proof for Alan.

"As my lawyer, you have to keep in secret what I'm telling or showing you." Liz suggested and handed the paper to him.

While Alan was reading she tried to figure out the mystery of Alan Shore; he not just looked like Red – well five or six years younger version of Red with bigger hair – but his personality was as unreadable as Red's.

When Alan finished he stood up and threw the paper to the fire at the fireplace then he turned back to Lizzie and smiled at her knowingly.

"You were bluffing, weren't you?" Liz realized. "You just wanted to see how I would react."

"Yes."

"Nice." she murmured.

"So now we've discussed every important detail; I think I should leave." He took two step then he turned back to face with her again.

"Do you have a Stockholm syndrome?"

"No." she laughed at this ridiculous question. Alan was weird…she liked him. "Do you think I have to have a mental disease to love Raymond Reddington freely and voluntarily?"

"No but yet, it's hard to believe that he has such luck that he is loved by a beautiful and young woman like you."

"I see you won't leave me alone until I give you a good reason." she smiled. She thought about a little then raised her shining eyes to Alan "Whenever he's around me I feel like a real woman. He treats me like his most valuable treasure, makes me powerless with his presence but also he gives me power whenever I see how I can affect him, how his lower lip trembles these times." and of course the sex with him was heavenly but she wouldn't tell this to Alan. "Is it enough?"

"It is." he nodded. "Good night."

"Good night, Alan."

###

Alan Shore ended his day with two important notes. One; he would have one of the biggest and most important trials tomorrow and two; his brother had finally found his peace.

**To be continued…**

**Now I need you opinion; would you like to read a full chapter about the trial or should I just skip it with a few short sentences? :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Oh my, after I saw the reviews I was smiling all day! Thank you all of them!**

**Sooooo: I asked you guys what would you like to read in this chapter and I saw that most of the reviews asked me to write a full chapter about a trial…which I did. (And I know that some of you got a promise from me that I would write about the necessary facts; I'm sorry for eating my words…yet I hope you'll like this chapter.)**

**This was the first time when I wrote a trial and I spent two days with reading about the USA jurisdiction because I wanted to write it as realistic as I could and I hope it worth it.**

**Here's some definition and their meanings (maybe it will help to understand the chapter better):**

**Bench trial:**A trial conducted before a judge presiding without a jury.

**First degree murder****: ** It is generally a killing which is deliberate and premeditated (planned, after lying in wait, by poison or as part of a scheme)

**Second degree murder****: **It'sa non-premeditated killing, resulting from an assault in which death of the victim was a distinct possibility.

**I don't own anything.**

**I hope you'll like it! *run and hide***

**11. ****Justice**

Elizabeth Keen had always known what would happen to her because she had always ruled her life. She didn't believe in fate and after what had happened to her in the last years she didn't really believe in God either. She had always known how to handle a situation and Elizabeth Keen had been really proud of herself because of it…

…Until she had taken a look at a ruthless criminal who had been chained up to a chair and smiled at her like he would have seen the most valuable treasure. It had been their first meeting (at least she had thought that) and Liz had realized that this man had been already obsessed with her. First she had found it scary, even a bit gross but she had never let it show because he had been a valuable asset and he hadn't made any aggressive effort. He had been charming and caring but also infuriating and unbelievably smug.

Raymond Reddington. Concierge of Crime. Raymond. Red.

_Red._

And then she had found herself possessive of him as well. She had still loved Tom and it hadn't mattered what he had done but she had also felt the pull toward the Concierge of Crime and maybe it had helped her to forget her husband.

They had danced around each other for weeks when that particular afternoon in the public bathroom had changed everything.

From that time she didn't know what would bring the following day, her life and her feelings were out of control. Tomorrow seemed too far and only the today mattered. Only _now _was important.

For a woman like Elizabeth, it was hard to accept. It made her life crazy but also excited; with Red she had learned how she could live her life like it would have been a gift, how she could enjoy a moment with a cup of coffee or a heated minute with him and feel everything with all of her senses.

Of course it hadn't happened like she had gone to bed as Elizabeth and woken up as Lizzie. No. It had been a long way but it worth it. She had found herself again, found joy and happiness in a twisted life. She found the mutual love at a man in a most sensitive, almost tantric way.

And now this man was sitting next to her in the court room, ready to risk what he had built for twenty years because of her. In spite of the knot in her stomach and the fact that even her dinner couldn't stay in her she was happy and overwhelmed by the mere fact that she had him as he had her.

She didn't know what would happen next but she knew that with Red she was ready to take everything they would get.

Lizzie loved everything in her job but if the judge found them guilty she would ready to run away with him.

She should have been afraid of the future but all she felt was the little butterflies in her stomach…and well, since Red's aftershave had hit her nose she couldn't stop thinking about what she would have done with him on the table…or against the wall…or on the floor until she mentally noted that the place didn't matter.

"Are you all right, Lizzie?" Red asked in his deep rich voice which sent shivers down on her spine.

She cleared her throat and nodded.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her, worrying about she might have changed her mind and didn't want this anymore. He couldn't help but he still couldn't believe that this beautiful woman had married to him voluntary, risking everything for him.

She took a deep breath and whispered to his ear "Oh, nothing particular, just inappropriate fantasies about you." she said like she would have just talked about the weather.

His widened eyes made her smirk mischievously and before he could have react to her statement the judge came in.

"All rise!"

"Good afternoon." the judge sat down "As the counsel and the FBI made the motion this morning I dismissed the jury in favour of a bench trial as the reason of protecting a valuable asset. Let's make something clear; I don't care why Raymond Reddington is the fourth most wanted criminal on the FBI's list and I'm demand the counsels to keep themselves to this. And also we aren't here to charge Mrs. Reddington with collusion with a criminal. Mr. Reddington is charged with first degree murder and Mrs. Reddington is charged with second degree murder. If anyone breaks the rules I'm going to send him or her to jail for a day or longer. Understood?"

"I bet she is so bossy in bed, too." Alan murmured to Red who let out a small laugh.

"Mr. Shore, any plea?" she ached her eyebrow.

"No, your Honor I'm just wondering if you…" he wanted to repeat what he had just said but Red kicked his ankle. "Would allow me to call our first witness?"

She narrowed her eyes "Mr. Shore, I heard about you and your methods but I'm not going to let my courtroom turn into a playground. Understood?"

"Hypothetically of course, but…would you spank me if I won't behave?" Alan asked innocently.

"I don't think you could handle it." her face was unreadable but the way as she held his gaze told Alan that he had found his perfect judge. "Call your first witness."

###

"So agent Cooper, Mr. Reddington is working for the FBI since…"

"Since the 23th September, as an FBI informant." Cooper finished Alan's sentence.

"How many cases have you solved with his help?"

"Many. Sometimes a case leads to an other. I can't say an exact number."

"The victim, Francesco Lottie was one of these cases, am I right?"

"Yes."

"If I'm informed well, they had caught his associates but Mr. Lottie escaped."

"Yes."

"What did he do?"

"He went to find Reddington and agent Keen."

"And he found them."

"That's correct."

Alan nodded then approached their tables as he asked his next question.

"Then what happened?"

"I got a phone call from Reddington. He asked for help because Lottie stabbed his bodyguard and kidnapped agent Keen. Then he heard a scream and he left the phone at his bodyguard. He ran away."

"To help agent Keen?" Alan walked back in front of Cooper and tilted his head.

"He said that, yes."

"After you arrived what did you see?"

"Reddington was already taken back to the house with agent Keen. He had an ugly wound on his head and he lay unconsciously on his bed while his wife sat next to him, still in shock."

"Objection! Agent Cooper is not a doctor, he can't say medical diagnosis." jumped the other lawyer, Frank Ginsberg.

The guy who always wanted to beat Alan but it hadn't happened yet and Alan wouldn't let him win either.

"Sustained."

"She looked shocked." Cooper corrected as he sent a murderous look toward Ginsberg.

"Well, it looks like somebody drew the FBI's anger on himself." Alan turned to Ginsberg and added smugly. "I wouldn't be surprised if suddenly the Bureau of Internal Revenue would do some research at your taxes."

"Mr. Shore!" the judge warned him as he turned around and looked at her.

"Yes, your Honor? Chamber? Discipline?" he asked innocently as he ran his hand down on his suit.

"Last warning, Mr. Shore."

Meanwhile Liz had to resist the grand urge to hit Alan with something.

"Is he out of mind?" she hissed to Red. She knew that making the judge angry would not help for them.

"Shh. He knows what he does." he tried to calm her down and place his hand on hers then his thumb drew a few circles at the back of her hand.

"Yes. He's sending us to jail." she murmured.

###

After Ginsberg asked his own questions from Cooper, Ressler was the next at the witness-box. He seemed not happy about Lizzie and Red's marriage and she knew he would confront her later but also he told the truth, he told that Red saved his life after he had tried to kill Red in Brussels which set Red down as a good-hearted person.

Of course Ginsberg reflected with Red's obsession with agent Keen which obviously obtained from the beginnings and maybe they committed the premeditated murder which caused Lottie's death.

Alan had it moved to strike because it was only speculation.

The judge dismissed Ressler who sent a last glare toward Liz.

It was four in the afternoon when the judge ordered a short break and Alan went to the conference room with his clients.

"Are you completely out of your mind?!" Lizzie stormed into the room and tried to ignore her increasing nausea. She had felt herself this nervous and dizzy at her first undercover mission back in New York.

"I'm always out of my mind." Alan closed the door behind him as he took a look at his calm brother and his not-so-calm wife.

"Making the judge angry? Really?" she asked with disbelief and put her hands on her hips.

"I can't help; she's attracted to me." he provoked her.

"Would you just use your brain to think about this case instead of the organ in your pants?!" she yelled at him. She had thought that nobody could make her this furious than Red. She had been wrong.

"Wow. Is she so passionate in the bedroom, too?" he asked Red as he took a predatory look on her.

Liz just stood there in shock; not just because how dared he remark such inappropriate things but because of the sudden image of three of them in the bedroom…Red, kissing her from collarbone to her bra-covered breasts while Alan standing behind her, holding her by her hips, kissing and nibbling the nape of her neck…and she mentally slapped herself. What was wrong with her?!

Meanwhile Red had quite enjoyed this small fight between Liz and Alan but he knew that her next move would be to find something sharp and kill Alan so he stepped between them.

"Okay, it's not the best time for a fight! Alan, would you leave us alone for a moment?"

Alan smiled at her and he left. Red watched him go then turned to the still angry Lizzie. Maybe he was a bit sadistic but he just simply loved when she was angry; those murderous blue eyes, her swollen lips and her aggressive body language… if he could he would have taken her right then and there.

"Lizzie…" he approached her with hands in front of him as the sign of surrender.

"Don't Lizzie me! You!" she poked her index finger against his chest "Why didn't you defend me?"

"What?"

"From your brother! Or next time you would allow him to jump on me?"

"Sweetheart, it's not like that…"

"Then like what?" she snapped.

He just stared her for a moment; how could he take her serious when she was adorable? And of course he knew it was only matter of time and her anger would turn into desire so he thought he would help her to fall into that state.

"What?" she was more angry if it was even possible because she knew him damn well to realize what he would want to do with his proximity but she wouldn't let him win this time.

"Nothing, just…I love when you're this angry." he said huskily.

She took a step back but the table stopped her; she was in trap between Red, the table and her growing lust.

"Oh, no _sweetheart, _you won't change the subject!" she demanded but her voice was getting weaker and weaker.

He lazily put his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to his body, not caring with her fake protesting.

"You know it turns me on when you think you have the upper hand, right?" he murmured into her neck but he didn't touch her until he felt her anticipation which her stubborn mind wanted to cover but he read his Lizzie as an open book.

He placed a single open-mouthed kiss above her pulse point and groaned when he tasted her delicious skin.

As soon as his lips touched her skin Lizzie's mind shut down and bit her lip to hide her satisfied moan. She closed her eyes to collect herself but also she unconsciously lifted her jaw to give more space to his hungry lips.

He chuckled softly and continued peppering her neck.

"I'm supposed to be mad at you, dammit!" she murmured but her words died in an other moan as his lips found hers.

It started with a simple soothing kiss but they ended up in a less simple situation; Liz was sitting on the table, legs around Red's waist while he grinded against her and kissed her collarbone when Alan came in again.

"Sorry, but you have to finish it later; we have to go back." and with that he left them alone to collect themselves.

"Next time he makes a comment at me, I'm going to punch him." she said with a matter of fact.

"You don't." he cupped her cheeks "Because next time I won't let him talk about my beautiful wife the way he did." he smiled and kissed her one more time.

She didn't know why but as the word _wife _rolled down on his tongue she grinned from ear to ear; she loved the pride in his voice as he called her his wife.

###

After the judge called Dembe as a witness the last one was Henry Thompson, the coroner who examined the body and the crime scene as well. Also Red and Liz's future depended on his testimony.

"Mr. Thompson, would you tell us what did you see when you arrived to the crime scene?" Ginsberg approached him as he asked his first question.

"Yes. It was after midnight; two men and a woman were found in the middle of the woods; the men on the floor, both of them were lying on the ground and the woman kneeled next to the unconscious man."

"Mr. and Mrs. Reddington?" he pointed toward them.

"Yes." sounded the short answer.

"And Mr. Lottie?"

"He was dead."

"What caused his death?"

"A struck on the left side on his neck. The weapon was his knife."

"Did he die immediately?"

"No, the knife went expertly through the neck but it missed ever artery so it took a few minutes while he bleed to death."

"Did Mr. Lottie fight back?"

"No, because the struck paralyzed him but it doesn't mean he didn't feel any pain."

"Did Mr. Lottie suffer?"

"Probably."

"So the murder let him suffer?"

"Objection, it's only speculation. A lame one." Alan stood up.

"Sustained." the judge said without looking at Alan.

"Let's talk about agent Keen. Could she kill him?"

"Her fingerprints were on the knife, so maybe, yes."

"Where was she while Mr. Reddington and Mr. Lottie were fighting?"

"Probably she was tied up to a tree. We found her blood on the rope and there were bruises around her ankles and wrists."

"So while they were fighting, agent Keen freed herself with the knife and stabbed Mr. Lottie and after he collapsed Mr. Reddington fell down on him?"

"It's possible."

"Nothing further." Ginsberg got what he wanted; he had never felt as close to catch Alan as now.

Alan stood up, buttoned up his suit jacket and stepped in front of the witness.

"Mr. Thompson, the wound on Mr. Lottie's neck was nice? I mean, it was a precise struck?"

"Not exactly because it didn't go straight; the murder lowered the knife."

"Why?"

"I can't know."

Alan nodded and remained silent before he asked his next question.

"Did you find other wound on Mr. Lottie's body that he got at that night?"

"Yes, there was a small bruise at his upper arm."

"What caused it?"

"Mr. Reddington's elbow."

"Objection!" Ginsberg jumped from his seat.

"Your Honor, here's the report which tell that the bruise fitted to the button of Mr. Reddington's shirt."

"Objection denied. Continue." she turned to the witness again.

"How could the button caused this bruise?"

"Mr. Reddington rolled up his shirtsleeves to his elbows."

Alan nodded then walked back to his seat. He almost sat down when suddenly stood up again.

"Just one more question; is it possible that Mr. Reddington accidently stabbed Mr. Lottie as he fainted then agent Keen grabbed the knife from Lottie's neck and cut her own rope?"

Mr. Thompson lowered his head as he thought through the possibilities then he touched the rim of his glasses.

"That would explain the non-precise cut. The body was from an arm's length from the tree where we found the rope and we found the cut on the rope which immobilized agent Keen's ankles. Yes, it is possible."

"Thank you. Nothing further."

###

It was time for the closings; both lawyer's speech was really good and they confirmed their own rights.

The judge felt in silent for a few minutes, she read her notes again then she took off her reading glasses.

"One of them killed Mr. Lottie, it's obvious and the fact that they refuse the testimony, it simply makes impossible to see what happened at that night. Both suspect's fingerprints are on the knife and playing out the 'spousal privilege' card makes me think that one of them plays out with the other. Maybe they tortured Mr. Lottie, maybe not. Maybe it was a premediated murder or aggravated assault with a deadly weapon." a pregnant moment felt on the court room; Red held Liz's hand gently as they waited for the judge's last sentence. "In a lack of evidence I dismiss the case." she stood up and left the room, taking one more look on Alan who didn't miss her gaze.

Liz released the breath that she had held and hugged Red tightly.

"We won" he whispered and kissed her temple.

"Yes." she sobbed a bit then she turned to Alan and touched his upper arm. "Thank you, Alan."

"You're welcome." he smiled at her then he hugged Red who thanked his helping as well.

"Would you like to drink something with us?" Liz asked while she put on her coat.

"No. Thank you, I think I'm going to visit our judge in her chamber." he smirked.

"Then please, have a dinner with us." she insisted.

"I'd like to, thank you."

"I'll send you the address." Red patted his shoulder and when Liz wasn't within earshot he murmured to Alan. "Remember what I used to say about seducing a woman?" Red smiled knowingly as the fond memory crossed his mind; how he had taught his little brother to the art of seduction.

"Do to her what spring does with the cherry trees." Alan smiled back. _Good old times, _he thought and watched as his brother left the courtroom.

"_Tonight will be fun" _Alan chuckled and approached the judge's chamber.

**To be continued….**

**Red's sentence about how Alan should seduce a woman is come from a poem "**_**Every day you play" **_**by **_**Pablo Neruda**_

***come out cautiously* Well, what do you think?**


	12. Chapter 12

**I can't say how much I love your feedbacks! They help me to write faster and make me really happy!**

**I can't write PMs to the guests so I'd like to thank all their reviews here!**

**This chapter contains some fluff, fun and a few angst…just ordinary stuffs :D**

**I don't own anything!**

**12. Word-salad and other meals**

_Previously:_

"_Then please, have a dinner with us." she insisted._

"_I'd like to, thank you."_

"_I'll send you the address." Red patted his shoulder and when Liz wasn't within earshot he murmured to Alan. "Remember what I used to say about seducing a woman?" Red smiled knowingly as the fond memory crossed his mind; how he had taught his little brother to the art of seduction._

"_Do to her what spring does with the cherry trees." Alan smiled back. Good old times, he thought and watched as his brother left the courtroom._

"_Tonight will be fun" Alan chuckled and approached the judge's chambers._

_###_

After Red and Lizzie had visited Dembe at the hospital Red had made a few calls and within ten minutes they had a new penthouse with two bedrooms.

They went to their luggage to the hotel and Red's car.

"So, where are we going to have dinner with my beloved brother?" Red asked as he drove.

"I thought we could make a dinner at the house."

"_We?"_

Liz rolled her eyes while she couldn't stop escaping the giggles. "Okay, _you _could make a dinner." Of course, Red knew how terrible she could be in the kitchen after she had almost burnt down their apartment when she had been with Tom, even the firefighters had been sent by their neighbors. It had been really, _really _embarrassing. When she saw his hesitating gaze she continued with her sweetest but seductive voice "You know how I love your…meals." and she placed her hand to his thigh, high but not as much as Red would have liked it.

"Okay, you convinced me. But you have to take care of the dessert." his low voice tickled her skin.

"And what kind of dessert you'd want to eat?" _Two can play the game, _she thought and squeezed his tensed muscles.

He stopped at the red light so he had the chance to catch her wandering hand and kissed her knuckles as he pinned her naughty eyes with his intense gaze.

"Surprise me." he paused for a moment and continued "But avoid the oven, please."

She playfully hit his shoulders "It happened once and the firefighters were so nice!"

"Sweetheart, I don't want you to stay away from the oven or any flammable thing because I'm afraid you'll burn down the town" of course he thought that but yet it didn't stop Lizzie giggling. She loved when Red was this playful. "I just want to challenge you because I know that you can make a wonderful no-bake cake. All I need is a proof. So…would you prove my right?"

"Okay, stop it!" she laughed and Red felt how the warmness from her beautiful laugh roaming through him and warming his heart as well.

While Red bought all the necessary items for dinner Liz stayed in the car and spoke with Cooper. They had won the trial but it was only the first step from the massive gap but she also knew that they would have to convince the FBI, too because they could have pushed her back and over to the edge.

Aware of the fact that she would have wings and she could fly – it made the whole things a bit easier, even with the thought that she could never step back to the ground again. At least she knew Red would hold her in the air.

When he returned, the drive to the penthouse filled with silent thoughts.

The penthouse was beautiful with large kitchen and big balcony and exactly looked like how she had imagined her home in her dreams. Silent and calm. As this thought struck her she froze and all the feeling of the last ten days returned; sadness, emptiness, happiness, desire, mortal fear, everything. She had felt that she would need time to order all the happenings where they belonged but she hadn't had any time thinking in these days and all of sudden, the inability made her eyes filled with tears and when Red turned around to look at her, she just stood there, unable to look at him. She felt like a helpless little girl and his warm embrace with his comforting scent braced her to let it go.

He didn't speak just let her hold on to him and cry out all the heavy thoughts. He was surprised, even amused that Liz had held it back this long.

It was all she needed; his presence, his soothing touch, his kisses. No more, no less.

They just stood there for minutes and when he felt her pull away but not releasing him completely he wiped the wetness away from her cheek.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes." she whispered and placed a kiss to his lips.

"Why don't you take a nap? I'll prepare dinner and don't worry; I'll wait with the dessert." he winked and she let out a small laugh.

He led her to the bedroom and gave one of his shirts to change. Both of them knew that she had her very own night robes but Red would never miss the chance to see her in his shirt, neither Lizzie to feel his comforting scent on her. He tucked her in and kissed her temple as his large hand ran through her hair.

"Sweet dreams, darling." he smiled at her and left the bedroom as her heavy eyelashes couldn't tear her eyes open.

###

Two hours later her empty stomach woke her up. No wonder she was starving because the last time she had seen food was at morning and it was only two slices of toast with tea. Her nerves hadn't let her eat properly in the last few days.

When she entered the kitchen Liz didn't see Red's face, only his pants-covered legs as he was standing in front of the opened fridge. A beautiful peach on the kitchen counter caught all her attention and she almost ran to get it. She washed then ate it like who hadn't seen food for weeks.

"God, it's so juicy and sweet and…seriously, my tongue has an orgasm right now." she moaned, standing with her back to Red. She wanted to slow down, enjoy every bite of the almost illegally delicious fruit but her hunger destroyed it within two minutes. As she washed her hands and wiped it to the napkin she continued speaking to Red without turning around. "You know, now my tongue has had an orgasm I think we should make the dessert." she suggested seductively, waiting for Red to sneak his hands around her but when he didn't she continued. "I saw you bought whipped cream and chocolate syrup so maybe we should test the qualities…" she wanted to continue but then Liz saw Red stepping into the apartment in his coat and fedora.

"Ah you're awake. Good." Red kissed her above the kitchen counter and went to the bedroom to pick up something.

She frowned; if Red had just appeared at the door… who was behind her? She got the answer soon as he approached her and leaned close to her ear.

"You bring the wiped cream, I'll bring the chocolate syrup" said Alan with his incredibly low voice as he picked a piece of grape and eat it then all of sudden he stepped aside and continued his task.

Suddenly the room felt really hot or did she felt it because of the sudden rush of embarrassment?

The cheeky bastard hadn't even stopped her!

Red brought her bathrobe and helped to put it on – because, yeah, it wasn't enough that she had just invited Alan to the bedroom for some dirty sex but she only wore Red's shirt and her underwear

…if maybe she concentrated really really hard, the ground would open and swallow her…

"Thank you." she smiled at Red, avoiding Alan's penetrating gaze. Seriously, the guy had problems; she was HIS brother's wife but it didn't stop him hitting on her.

"The dinner is almost ready. Why don't you take on some warmer clothes and if you still want to, you could make the dessert." poor soul, Red had no earthy idea why Lizzie's face turned into crimson when he had said the 'd' word. Since when was she so shy? Or maybe Alan said something?

"I'd happily help making dessert. My taste is quite sensitive so I could test the quality of the _chocolate syrup._" Alan smirked mischievously at Liz who sent death glares toward him.

Seriously she would beat him up if he continued like this!

Red raised his right hand and stopped his little brother "Alan, please; stop hitting on my wife!" he ordered gently. He couldn't say _'fuck off, she's mine' _to his log-lost brother, after all.

"Me? S…" before Alan could tell everything Liz interrupted him.

"No, it's okay. I'll be right back and we can make the dessert." Liz soothed Red and placed her hand to his chest. Meanwhile she mentally dragged Alan to the balcony and threw him out.

While she changed her clothes she braced herself to this dinner because she knew how important it was for Red. She saw and felt the tense between the brothers and she also figured out that Alan was angry at Red but why he was angry… it was a mystery for her. Maybe because Red hadn't appeared in his life for a long time or simply because – like Red said – they had never been good brothers…which she hardly doubted.

When she had talked with Alan for a first time on the phone and she had told that Red had been in trouble and needed his help Alan hadn't asked anything he had just come here and helped.

On the other hand, she could tell that Red desperately wanted to be the part of Alan's life again…which meant that in the past her husband had had a place in Alan's life.

And they hadn't been so different; not just physically but emotionally. Something was common how they express or hide their emotions…maybe they hadn't had a good childhood or great parents which also explained why Red acted like Alan's father and why Alan tried to be like his older brother and he had still looked up to Red like his secret hero – of course Alan didn't want to show it but he couldn't trick on her profiler eyes.

Yet, something wasn't right between the two of them and as a hell-bent as they were she knew they would have to do or say something to push the problem into the surface.

When she returned to the kitchen she smiled; Red was chopping vegetables while Alan was chopping the fruits for the dessert. They stood at the opposite sides of the kitchen counter and didn't speak with each other but they simply couldn't deny that they were relatives; their movements, the way they drank wine from their glasses…now she wasn't sure if she could deal with two Reddingtons tonight…

"Okay guys, what can I help?" she approached them and picked up a glass but instead of wine she filled it with orange juice. She wasn't very fond of it but there were times when she could die for a big glass of orange juice – like now.

"I'm done but I think Alan needs some help there." Red chuckled as he saw his brother's clumsy movements with the knife.

"Would you give me the whipped cream please?" Alan smiled at Liz politely so Red didn't have the slightest clue why the blood rushed to Liz's face again. Red knew that she was holding herself back from killing his brother slowly and painfully so he just tried to ignore the situation.

She tossed the whipped cream to Alan then when Red put the meat to the table she grabbed a knife and held the edge toward Alan warningly "Seriously if you won't stop these little comments…"

"What comments, dear Elizabeth?" he grinned at her. He really liked her maybe that was the reason why he teased her. It was so much fun to see the ice in her beautiful blue eyes…for a brief moment he imagined her having dirty and rough angry-sex…then mentally slapped himself…she was forbidden for God's sake! And yet he couldn't help; he had always been hungry for sexy dominant women like Liz…or Shirley…or Lorraine…or most of his partners.

She saw that she wouldn't win unless she played his game, too. She looked at Red and put down her knife then she stepped closer and lowered her voice "On the first day I met with your brother he ended up in hospital because I stabbed a pen into his neck." she smirked when she saw him slightly dropping his jaw. "And he didn't even tease me like you do now. Guess what I'm going to do if you push me further." she winked and stepped back, continuing her task.

Alan couldn't speak for a minute because he had already seen that he would tease her all night and he would have the upper hand. He was wrong, oh so wrong.

"Now, I'm pretty sure that Raymond has some masochist attitude." he chuckled and Liz laughed as well.

Two minutes later when Red returned Liz and Alan were chatting like they had been buddies since ages.

"Are you married, Alan?" Liz asked as they took their seats at the table.

"Yes."

"Wow. I didn't know that." Red said as he filled his glass with wine again. "I mean after Diane's death…" Red stopped when he saw Alan's grimace at the name of his dead wife.

"What's her name?" Liz led the conversation away from this woman, Diane because she clearly saw that Alan didn't want to talk about it and maybe she just imagined it but the way Alan looked at her lovingly as a sign of his eternal gratitude she was sure that it was a really hard thing in Alan's heart.

"Denny Crane. And _his _name." he grinned when Red and Lizzie stared at him with disbelief; Liz almost choked her orange juice while Red stopped eating for a moment. "It's not based on romantic relationship; he has Alzheimer and it'll be easier to take care of him when he will be unable to do it."

"So you two don't…you know…" Red asked, gesturing with his hands slowly, not sure if he wanted to know the truth. It wasn't like he had problems with homosexuals, no… but it was hard to believe that his womanizer little brother could be gay.

"No, we don't. We're both heterosexuals. Like I said it will be easier in the future."

She knew what he was referring to so she didn't ask any further. "Next time you could bring him, too. I'd like meet with him." she smiled and from the corner of her eyes she saw that Red nodded.

While they were eating Red's incredibly delicious steak with grilled vegetables they talked and laughed. Liz happily noted that Red and Alan started to act more naturally with each other, however Alan still had some uneasiness with his brother.

The dessert was simple fruit salad with different syrups and whipped cream. Liz was grateful when Alan didn't say anything about them anymore.

As if Alan just heard her previous mental note he suggested to Red to try out one particular fruit "Try the peach. It's delicious; juicy and sweet…you take a bite and your tongue'll have orgasm." of course he couldn't let it go.

She was embarrassed again and accidently hit her glass which smashed into pieces on the floor. "Shit." she jumped from her seat and tried to pick up the bigger ones but one of them broke the skin on her right palm.

Alan felt a bit ashamed because he hadn't wanted literally hurting her so he stepped next to her and gently took her hand. "Let me help." he wiped away the blood when his eyes travelled to her scar. It was familiar…he knew he had seen it before… "When did you get this scar?"

"When I was four. There was a fire in our house, my parents died and if a selfless hero hadn't arrived in time I would have been dead as well." she smiled at Red knowingly who gently took her hand from Alan and wiped it with wet napkin.

In the mean time Alan tried calm down his anger; she was the girl! Elizabeth was the little girl who had turned his brother's life upside down and why Raymond abandoned his family as well as himself, too. Truth be told he wasn't angry at Liz; she was only four when all that had happened but the realization caused an implosion in him and all his anger and pain and sadness burst out. But he couldn't throw it out in front of Liz, she would think at the end that he hated her for it which wasn't the truth, moreover he actually liked the girl. It's going to be hard pretending that he didn't panic…

"Everything all right, Alan?" Liz asked when she was his pale face and widened eyes as he stared her palm.

…And when the anxiety visited Alan, it brought something else, too.

"Guadalupe." he nodded. Liz furrowed her brows while Red looked at Alan curiously.

"I beg your pardon?" Liz asked.

"I laugh guadalupe." when Alan saw the shock in her face he turned around and drank the wine from his glass. Word-salad, great!

Liz looked back and forth between Alan and Red, still didn't know what the hell was going on.

"Alan?" Red approached him slowly and put his hand to Alan's shoulder.

"Teddy bears?" Alan asked back.

"What's going on?" Liz asked as she sat next to Alan who concentrated really hard to say exactly what he wanted to say.

"Nothing! Spinach!" and he failed so he just buried his face into his hands.

"It's word-salad." Red stated as he filled Alan's glass with wine. "When he's suffering from anxiety or something is disturbing him he can't say the proper words, like now."

"Which caused it now?" she had heard about this but she had never seen anyone before.

"Frankly? I don't know. But if it appeared that fast…something extremely disturbing is the problem. Do you still have night terrors, Alan?"

"Boom!" Alan nodded still avoiding his face. How he hated when his emotions took the control over his words! He felt like a helpless little child, screaming in the middle of the stormy night but nobody heard his scream.

Before Liz could ask Red had explained. "In non-REM sleep he's hearing voices and sometimes he's running. Once he jumped out from his window when he was twelve and his only luck was that I woke up in time and grabbed his wrists so he didn't fall down." Red hated seeing his brother in this state and he was afraid that tonight Alan would have night terrors again. "Alan, I want you to stay here tonight, okay?"

Alan violently shook his head and jumped from his seat.

"Alan, please! I don't want you to get hurt." Red tried to calm him down; he didn't know that it was only fuel on the fire.

"Oh, sneak?!" Alan snapped angrily.

_Finally, the elephant appeared in the room, _Liz thought. "Uhm, I'm going to dress my wound." she said quietly and silently left the room because she knew that Alan and Red had to discuss it without her presence. The only thing she still didn't understand that what made Alan angry and anxious.

She opened her little bag where she had held the bandages and her pills but of course what she had been looking for was at the bottom of the bag so she just threw everything to the bed when her eyes caught a half-empty bottle and she nearly fainted "God…god, god, no!" she took deep breaths and after she put everything back, not caring with her still bleeding wound she picked up the car keys and stormed out.

"Lizzie, where are you going?" Red arched his eyebrow.

"Uhm…Cooper wants to see me." she pointed with her thumbs toward the door.

"Now?"

"Yes, it might be important. I'll be right back." with that she closed the door behind her. She hated lying to Red but first she had to calm herself down.

Red slowly turned back to Alan and put his hands into his pockets. "Alan, what the hell is going on?"

Alan was still angry and his heart ached as the years of sadness and pain filled him completely. He wanted to hurt his brother as Raymond had hurt him. "Is Elizabeth the girl?" as soon as Elizabeth left the room he felt the he didn't have to hold back himself so the word-salad disappeared.

"What girl?" Red tilted his head.

"Whom you saved twenty years ago."

"Yes. Is she bothering you?"

Alan stood up and fixed his tie. "Not at all but…you saved her twenty year ago and now she is your wife…it's a bit…"

"Yeah, I know. Strange, right?" Red chuckled and turned around to bring some wine to him but Alan stopped him with his words.

"No…it's rather sick."

Red turned around and saw Alan's serious expression. "What did you say?" he approached him slowly, trying to calm down.

"I said that you're a sick twisted, even pervert man." Alan stepped closer to his brother while he pushed him further. "Did you think about f…" Alan couldn't finish his disgusting remark because Red's fist shut him up.

God was his witness he didn't want to hit Alan but he had to stop his filthy and unbelievably inappropriate words which were unworthy for both of them. "What the hell is your problem?!" Red yelled.

Alan fell down on the couch and after he wiped the blood away from his mouth he slowly stood up and he just looked Red with slight tears in his eyes. Here was the hero of his childhood; the only person who had taken care of him, the only person who treated him properly. The man who had taken him to school, who had checked his homework, who had wished him good night. The man who had just disappeared when he had been only 18, leaving emptiness behind him. From at that point there had been nobody who asked Alan about his day or his studies. Nobody who braced him to ask a girl to a date.

How could Raymond even ask it? How could Alan tell him?

Red's anger disappeared as he saw the pain and sadness in his brother's eyes. They just stood there and studied each other, neither of them dared to speak…

…**Meanwhile…**

Liz killed the engine and wiped away her tears. How could she forget that? What was she going to do?

She slowly got out of the car and stepped into the little hotel where she knocked at one particular door.

After a minute an elder lady in her bathrobe opened the door. "What are you doing here, dearie?" Mr. Kaplan asked as she put on her glasses.

"Sorry for the disturbing but…" it was the point where she couldn't hold back her tear anymore. "I didn't know where else to go." she avoided Mr. Kaplan's eyes.

"Come in, dearie. I'll make you some tea."

**To be continued…**

**Any suggestion what will happen next? :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Because you guys asked me very nicely to write the next chapter asap, here it comes! :)**

**I hope you'll like this and please, don't hesitate to write down what you think! *hugs***

**This chapter is named after the masterpiece by Beethoven which helped me writing.**

**Don't own anything!**

**13. ****Moonlight Sonata**

_Previously:_

_How could Raymond even ask it? How could Alan tell him?  
>Red's anger disappeared as he saw the pain and sadness in his brother's eyes. They just stood there and studied each other, neither of them dared to speak…<em>

…_**Meanwhile…**_

_Liz killed the engine and wiped away her tears. How could she forget that? What was she going to do?  
>She slowly got out of the car and stepped into the little hotel where she knocked at one particular door.<br>After a minute an elder lady in her bathrobe opened the door. "What are you doing here, dearie?" Mr. Kaplan asked as she put on her glasses.  
>"Sorry for the disturbing but…" it was the point where she couldn't hold back her tear anymore. "I didn't know where else to go." she avoided Mr. Kaplan's eyes.<em>

"_Come in, dearie. I'll make you some tea."_

**###**

Long moments passed by without any movement, any voice. The tense in the silent air was almost touchable as they were staring each other. Both of them feared to move because Alan and Raymond knew if one of them took a step or said something - either bad or good - everything would change forever.

As stupid as it sounded but sometimes Alan whished that people could read his mind and understood what was in him – because he knew that even his mind and soul wanted to scream all the feelings, his lips weren't able to move and let out these feelings, to form words.

When he'd been a young man he had learned that it was the best if he kept his secrets in himself because nobody cared or they just criticized instead of helping him to solve them.

Secrets were not necessary bad – they could be very comforting if you accepted their existence and you could live with them. But…a secret could be a real bastard and you crushed under its weight and then you started to deny it, you started hating yourself because of it. At the end you became a self-loathing, self-destructive _something_ and you thought you hadn't been human being for a long while and you were a monster under the robe of a man.

That was how their secrets ruined both Red and Alan's self-images. What was the only difference between their secrets?

Alan didn't want to share, Red didn't _dare _to tell.

But now it looked like Alan somehow figured out how to tell what he'd wanted to tell to Red with all those hurting words. At least, Red thought that when he saw Alan's lips opened but a second later they closed. He could clearly see that Alan wanted to tell something, he forced himself to speak but his voice died at the end of his tongue and never came out.

Alan wiped the blood away from his mouth once again then he picked up his coat from the couch "I think I should go." he said quietly, avoiding his brother's eyes.

"No, wait!" as much as Red'd been angry at him he just couldn't let Alan leave, not when he knew that the nightmares would chase his little brother tonight. One desperate trying "Please, don't leave!" and it worked.

Alan stopped in the opened door with his back to Red and frowned. He slowly turned around to look at his brother and took three steps toward him "You cannot ask me not to leave after what you've done" Alan hissed.

"I had no intention to hit you…" he started when Alan rolled his eyes and dropped his coat to the couch while Red closed the door. "But what you said was …."

"I wasn't referring to what you did five minutes ago!" he interrupted Red and after a moment of silence he continued "But what you've done!" he nearly yelled when he finished.

And finally Red understood him.

Truth be told he never thought that Alan'd missed him in the past twenty years because he was pretty sure that his brother never really cared if Red had been around him or not. Alan'd been always passive when he had been there he'd never really expressed those feeling which he had just exposed in the past ten minutes.

When Red'd decided to run he'd thought Alan would be the last person who would get hurt by his absence. "Alan, did you…" somehow it was strange to speak about feelings with his brother especially Alan's feelings. As much as Red tried to remember he couldn't name the last time…maybe it'd not happened yet. "Did you miss me?"

Alan shook his head with disbelief and turned back to the window, chewing his cheek. When he didn't answer Red slowly approached him and put his hands into his pockets. "Alan, I'm sorry. I never thought you…I thought…" Red was speechless. He turned to the window and stared the snow-covered dark features outside.

Alan knew that from that point it was no turning back. Once he had started he had to finish.

"I know why you ran away and I completely understood you. How much Dad tried to make me believe that you're monster who betrayed his family, betrayed his country…I knew that it had a good reason why you did it. But what still bothering me is that you didn't even say goodbye. I didn't need you to do or say anything just…" Alan turned to Red and looked into his eyes "All I wanted to hear from you; good bye Alan."

Now Red was who couldn't even look at Alan's face. "If I'd known this I'd have come to you but like I said I never thought…"

"What, Raymond? That I felt betrayed?" Alan snapped angrily "I don't have to introduce my parents, right?! Hell, Dad was the reason why you joined to the Navy, because you wanted to show him that you're capable of something! He was the reason why I wanted to be a lawyer because I knew how much he hated them. Say whatever you want but we're who we are because of our father. He treated me like…" he stopped for a moment to calm himself down then he continued with much smaller voice "It did hurt me what he had said but I didn't care because I had a brother who may never told but he always **always **made me feel like a valuable boy who deserved living in this world." his watery eyes broke Red's heart and at the same time it pushed him deeper into his misery. Here was an other broken person and he was broken because Raymond abandoned him.

Alan was right. Something was broken in Red, too because of his father and it didn't matter his successful business, that he had a beautiful wife. On the melancholic nights he thought about how many things he had screwed up, that his life was a total mess, that he was like his father had said once; _eternal little loser._

"You can't imagine how hard it was me to leave everything behind me. And now I understand why you threw those horrible things at me. Alan, you must believe that how sorry I am. I had to leave you. I know it sounds like a cliché but…over the years I wanted to make contact with you but I couldn't. I wanted to protect you from the danger. From my enemies. But, please don't think, even for a second that I didn't care about you over these years."

Alan snorted with disbelief and shook his head.

"What do you think who paid the college?" he arched his eyebrow. "I was there when you got your degree, when you did your first case. And I was so utterly proud of you, Alan. After your wife's death I almost knocked on your door but the damn FBI was on my trail and I had to leave the country. I didn't stop caring about you, Alan. I never will."

Alan just stared at his brother and didn't know what to say. Of course Red could have lied about these things but a faint memory crossed his mind; when he had had his first day in the courtroom as a lawyer he'd felt his brother's presence. That time he'd told himself that he had just imagined Raymond's presence but now it made sense. "Then why now? Why did you make contact with me now? It's obvious for the FBI that you're my brother so I'm in danger."

"No." Red shook his head. "No, because you're one of the best lawyers in this country. The FBI can't make you disappear nor blackmail me with you. On the other hand; now the FBI will look thoroughly my case to find any mistake which could prove that Lizzie and I colluded to betray the FBI or the government or whatever they want to believe. But they won't find anything so my immunity remains. And finally I know where to search my enemy who destroyed so many life twenty years ago."

Alan nodded and didn't ask more; he knew if he were Raymond wouldn't answer. He took a deep breath and suddenly became very tired; the food, the glasses of wine, all the new information made almost impossible to think clearly.

Red knew the new information were difficult to process in the middle of the night and he saw how tired his brother was "Please, don't leave. After what happened I'm almost sure that the night terrors won't let you sleep tonight and I don't want you to wig out of your hotel room." he put his hand on Alan's shoulder who stared it for a moment and then he slowly nodded. "There's a guestroom next to mine."

Alan began to walk then suddenly turned around to take a last look at his brother "Raymond…I'm sorry for what I said before. I don't believe what I said. I just…wanted to hurt you." instead of Red's face Alan stared the floor.

"I know, Alan. Good night."

Alan nodded again "Good night." and left Red alone who poured a big glass with scotch.

Now only one thing left to do; to figure out where Lizzie was and why she lied to him.

…**Meanwhile…**

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Kaplan I don't know how or why but….I-I had to speak with someone about this." Lizzie walked back and forth with her hand on her forehead in front of the couch where the old lady had taken seat. "Someone who sees my…_situation_ in other perspective."

"First of all; stop walking you give me nausea." she ordered Liz who sat down the armchair in front of her. She poured a cup of tea and handed it to Lizzie. "Here; drink it. It'll help you relaxing."

"Thank you." her voice was small and rough because of the crying. The tea really calmed her a bit as she held the beautiful cup with two hands.

Mr. Kaplan waited for a few minute and she tried to remain calm as the seriousness of this _situation _required.

"I suppose you haven't spoken with Raymond yet."

"No" she sniffed. God, she was going to break his heart if she told him! "I don't even know for sure… but it has a pretty big chance."

"Then why didn't you go and buy…"

"Because it's still early." Liz interrupted her and Mr. Kaplan nodded. Suddenly Liz felt herself really ashamed; coming here making a scene because of something which wasn't even sure and yet… "Maybe I shouldn't have come here and burst into hysteria…"

Mr. Kaplan must have seen her uneasiness so she suddenly touched the back of Liz's hand and looked at her with her intense eyes. "Elizabeth! I'm happy that you came to me and do not underestimate this; maybe nothing happened but until it has a little chance you **must** think about how you will solve it. You have to count with the damages and also the happiness it will cause if your suspicions are right. But first you have to tell Raymond."

"No, no, no!" she jumped from her seat and began walking again. "I don't want to tell until I'm not completely sure. Even after…" she shook her head as she felt another urge of crying but then someone grabbed her upper arms.

"Don't even think about making this decision alone! He has the right to know!" in spite of her petite feature Mr. Kaplan was really affective.

"It's **my **choice, it's my b…"

"No, dearie. From that moment when you fell in love with him, it's not your only choice anymore. Because if you make any decision without him… when he'll find out because he will, you'll lose him. I know him and I know how he would react if you do this behind his back. You can't run away, you can't destroy and can't hide without his knowledge."

"Either way it'll break him down. It'll break me down." Liz whispered.

"You can't know that, dearie." she gently lifted Liz's jaw with her index finger "You can't know." she shook her head slowly, a sad smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

Liz had done the right thing when she had come to Kaplan. Her collected behavior always amused Lizzie and in this situation it was what she needed. She'd been there for only twenty minutes but she could think more rational than twenty minutes before. Taking a deep breath and she mirrored Mr. Kaplan's smile.

"And now; go home and talk with your husband." before Liz could protest she continued. "You don't have to do it tonight but sooner or later you must."

Liz nodded and put on her coat. She approached the door then suddenly she turned around.

"You came here as a friend so in this case I'm treating Raymond as a friend, too. I don't have to tell him anything." the good old Kaplan-tone returned.

"Thank you." with that Liz left.

She was driving around a town for almost an hour; she considered every possible details, every issue.

It was one in the morning when she returned. She tried quietly slipping into the penthouse when Red stopped her in the living room. "Look, who's arrived!" Red approached her with his not-so-well-coordinated steps.

"Sorry, I didn't…"

"You didn't what? Didn't think that I would wait until you return?" he asked sarcastically and wanted to sip from the bottle when Liz grabbed from his hand and spilled it into the sink.

"Hey, what are you doing with my scotch?" he asked angrily but when he arrived to the kitchen the bottle was empty. "I wanted to drink." he murmured.

"Why the hell are you drunk?"

"Just tipsy." he shushed. "I got to know; my little brother thought that I hate him. And I also got to know that I let him down. Aaand my lovely wife turns up in the middle of the night with..." he leaned closer and inhaled her scent. "the scent of menthol. So where have you been, honey?" he stepped closer while Liz took a step back but then the kitchen counter stopped her. She wouldn't tell him where she had really been while he was in this state.

"I told you that Cooper wanted to talk with me." she silently thanked the darkness so Red couldn't see her blushing cheeks.

"You know, I don't like when somebody's lying to me, especially when my wife's doing it." he leaned closer to kiss her neck but then all of sudden he withdrew and picked up his coat and fedora. "But you know, what? I don't care." he raised his hands in front of him.

"Where are you going?" her eyes filled with tears but she wouldn't give the pleasure to Raymond Reddington; he would not see her crying because of him.

"Guess, who called; Cooper! He wants to talk with me, too." he said sarcastically "Don't wait for me." And shut the door behind him.

For the hundredth time of the night she started crying; she had been worrying about him and the bastard dared to leave her!

She buried her face into her hands when a gentle hand touched her shoulder. "Elizabeth." Alan whispered as he slowly turned her around and let her hug him. "Don't be mad at him. We said a lot of bad things tonight and it's hard to process, even for Raymond."

"I'm angry because he's selfish and he was no right to…"

"No. He's drunk. He'll take a walk, return here to sleep and in the morning he'll hate himself for what he had done." he stepped back and offered a handkerchief to her.

"Thank you." she wiped her tears away with it. "But I won't let him treat me like this."

"I didn't say that." Alan smiled sadly. "So what about a quickie?" he joked.

She let out a small laugh "It's really tempting but no. The bastard has a great luck because I still love him. And right now all I need is a bed and a long sleep."

"It's okay, you don't have to be awake." he lowered his voice and walked with her toward their bedrooms.

"You never give up?" she smiled.

"Never" he smirked and waited until Liz went to her room.

"Good night, Alan."

"Sweet dream, Liz."

###

It was eight in the morning when Red woke up on the couch. When he had left last night he had been at a bar and drank a glass of scotch then after a short walk he had come back and fallen asleep on the couch. In spite of how much he had drunk yesterday he had a mild hangover and unfortunately he remembered how he treated Lizzie.

To make her forgive him Red prepared her favorite breakfast and knocked on the door of the bedroom.

"Lizzie? Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I was such an ass, would you forgive me?" when he didn't hear any noise he continued. "I made breakfast; coffee and scrambled eggs." still nothing. With a sigh he opened the door and he saw it was empty.

_No, no, no! – _he silently prayed but after checking the bathroom he saw Alan, leaning against the doorframe, with a mug in his hand. "She's gone." he said silently.

"When did she leave?"

Alan took a look at his wristwatch "About an hour and half ago. Some FBI agent came and offered their jet. She packed into her bag and left."

Red rubbed the nape of his neck while he was thinking about what would be the best thing to do.

"I'm such an ass." Red murmured with loath in his voice.

"Yes." Alan nodded simply as he brought a mug of coffee to Red. "But you haven't lost her. You have to figure out how you would make it up to her but prepare; she will kick your ass before she'll forgive you." Alan chuckled and patted his brother's shoulder. "And I almost forget; Mr. Kaplan took care of your bodyguard and he is already in the best hospital in Washington. We'll meet with her on the jet and we can fly back to Washington." he turned around to leave the room but after two steps he turned back again "Just tell me one thing; why is she **Mr.** Kaplan?" Alan furrowed his brows.

Red chuckled "It's a long story."

###

"Where is Elizabeth?" Mr. Kaplan asked as she took her seat.

"She went with the FBI's jet. We had a sort of fight yesterday." Red said with slight pain in his voice.

Mr. Kaplan took a deep breath to calm herself down "I'm saying that as your friend, Raymond; sometimes you're unbelievable."

"Don't start with me, Kate. She didn't want to tell me…" he snapped.

"Of course she didn't want to tell you!" Mr. Kaplan interrupted. "She doesn't even know if she is pregnant or not!"

Red dropped his jaw and he was pretty sure that his heart skipped a beat or two. After a second he found his voice. "Lizzie…pregnant?"

**To be continued…**

**Cliffhanger! Please, don't shoot me down! :D**


End file.
